Parent takes toy away from my child.

[Autumn777]

We were staying at Thomas Land recently and my children were playing with one of the tables with track on them. No trains are provided so my children took their own.

A man with a boy came over to the table, the boy didn’t have a train so the man just took it out of my child’s hand & passed it to his boy! I went over to explain that it was actually my child’s and he apologised and thought they belonged to the table.

Am I wrong to think that it is inappropriate to ever snatch a toy from someone else’s child? How would others have dealt with this. He apologised to my child. Just think his behaviour as aggressive.

Could your DS have shared with the other little boy?

Good grief. What a fuss about absolutely nothing. Misunderstanding is sorted sounds so much more boring.

My child would share if he had asked. Last time we did that though the another boy went off with it. I agree with big blue bubble, that dad thought he could just take it. What is that teaching his son? You can just take something you want out of someone’s hand. I’m cross that the dad just took it from my child’s hand. He was the grown up!

So he didn't say anything -he just took the train?

Yes, he was rude, but... 🤷🏻‍♀️

For goodness sake, it’s sorted, he apologised. I can’t think why you’ve started a thread about it.

This ^

He said ‘I think it’s my sons turn now!

I think you dealt with it well, you set your own children a good example of calm assertive behaviour. You were also right because I am always aware that it is prudent to be cautious to keep your family safe. I am trying to teach my children that sometimes it’s necessary to be smart and safe rather than right and vulnerable. You were calm, right and kept you and your family safe.

So he didn't just take it off him. Even more of a non event.

Thank you niknac1. 🙏🏻 This guy was kind of intimidating and not small. I just think for a grown up to take a toy from a 4 year olds hand? Really? I’m not surprised if kids had done this but a grown man?

How was the man supposed to know it was your child's train ?

How was the man supposed to know it was your child's train ?

He wasn't. Easy mistake to make.

So just ask the kid if your kid can have a turn next surely, rather than just taking.

Isn't this just entry-level social cop on for an adult?

I understand why you were annoyed. I find it interesting the time frames that adults arbitrarily place on children (usually other people's) for how long a child should be 'allowed' to play with something. Slides- obvious- one turn each. Everything seems to depend on the parents perception of what's fair and that seems to be wide ranging (and unusually biased towards their own) if something is occupied- and we want to use it- we wait. No passive aggressive comments of don't worry, it will be your turn soon. That boy/girl will give you it soon, etc. if we get bored waiting- we leave and do something else.

Mountain. Molehill.

He took it from your son. You dealt with situation. He apologised. The end.

You are completely wasting your time and energy brooding about it afterwards. Completely.

Wait until you see him on his phone.

Walk over and calmly take it from his hands, saying, ‘I think you’ll find it’s my turn now.’

Well, not really. But I agree that whether or not he thought it was a communal toy, it was very unpleasant behaviour to take it from your child.

However, maybe he had had a bad day of children not sharing communal stuff, hogging playground equipment for hours or something like that. Still rude though.

Imagine waking up to an adult in a coffee shop and taking a newspaper off them and saying I think it’s my turn now.
The mumsnet conversation wouldn’t be about whether the adult or coffee shop had bought the paper.
I hate when people place social norms on children they wouldn’t adhere to themselves as adults.

So much outrage - it was a misunderstanding, it was resolved quickly. Would you hsve preferred a dramatic scene?

The man appologised (his size has nothing to do with it) and probably reflected on it later.

There are many people on Mumsnet who are furious, plot-loosing, stalking and raging at every little thing, whilst back in the real world would probably have done exactly as you did.

To be fair it probably looked like your child was hogging the trains that were provided. Very odd of the venue to provide a play table and no trains!
You said you went over to speak to him about it so you weren’t right there. So I’m not sure how you know that the man didn’t just ask if his son could have a turn and your boy offered him the train? It certainly doesn’t sound like he forcibly took it or ‘snatched’ it.
And even if he did take it, you got it back. You just explain to your child that sometimes adults can be quite rude/impatient so he knows it’s not ok and situation sorted! I don’t see what would have been gained by getting into some kind of row about it.

And this is EXACTLY why my two are not allowed to take toys out of the house

So overnight he has become big and intimidating.

The fact that the train belonged to the OP is a red herring. The issue is that he took it from her child instead of waiting politely, or even asking politely if his child could have a turn. Note I said “asking politely” as opposed to telling the OP’s child his go was over and taking it off him.

Wait. Wait. Wait. "I think it's my little boy's turn now"

Perfectly fine.

My ds is older now but I've noticed a huge trend towards this "adult Led 'sharing'" in the past few years.

Parents getting up and going to get things for their child or forcing a child to give their child a toy (the other child has shown no interest in!) in the name of sharing.

I've often wondered if there's a correlation between this and the poor verbal skills we keep hearing about in school starters.

I 100% agree with you. Whether your child's toy or not there was no reason to have removed it and given it to his child and if his child wanted it he should have talked to the children as a first point of call.

I agree the ownership of the train is a red herring.

A stranger to your child took a toy out of his hand and gave it to his own child to play with. It doesn't matter why he did it. And it doesn't matter that he announced he thought it was his son's turn now.

He had no right to take a toy, ANY toy, from your child's hand under the described circumstances.

Interesting. I've seen an increase in "my child right or wrong" and "how dare another adult interact with my child" and the utterly ludicrous "If you would mr dinutti an adult then you shouldn't do it to a child"

I agree in many ways about the interaction thing, but not removing the toy from another child’s hand (unless they were causing damage to self, others or property with it!)