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Dilemma - help, to move or not to move?

4 replies

NotCatStaff · 18/08/2018 18:22

Dilemma is a bit difficult, so namechanged although people may work out what my regularly NN is, if you do please don't say who I am as I don't want this associated with my normal name.

Currently live in a 2 bed flat with my DD whose 3. It's on the first floor. And I need to decide if we move or not. We're currently in a HA and can move on medical need.

Pros to moving

  • More space for DD who has some SN and needs more space to develop
  • Possibility of a garden - which is beneficial for DD but I also have a cat who I think would like some freedom
  • Likely to get a move quick due to being band 2
  • No stairs as likely to get house or bungalow - DD has fallen down the stairs in the communal area of the flat and was quite badly injured
  • Likely to get a brand new never lived in house before

Cons to moving

  • Will have to move away from current town, I don't drive and all my family are here. I'm a single mother and struggle with MH issues myself and I rely on my family a lot to help with childcare or just for a break. There is literally no houses in my town currently available on HA, they've said that they're unlikely to get one for at least 5 years.
  • Mum won't visit me in the new town as she hates it, refuses to even drive to it because she says the people are rude, there's nothing there to do (more than my current town) and it's just awful place with no greenery so I'd be reliant on the bus or train to get me to see her
  • Changing DDs Nursery could be detrimental to her and cause her to regress

Pros to staying

  • Family are here
  • Nursery are supportive of DDs SN and have good links with an outstanding rated Primary School where DD is likely to go (as they have a good reputation with SN children)
  • DDs dad and his family are here and even though they've not seen her for a couple of months there's a likely chance he might want to (he was violent towards us both but is allowed supervised contact when he can be bothered to organise it).
  • Low Crime area with lots of greenery, my bedroom looks out over the canal and a meadow which is lovely. New town is a lot less green and far more landlocked so no canal/river/meadows
  • Flat is quite cheap to live in, so benefits+a small PT job*+maintenance make it easy to have a decent lifestyle

Cons to staying

  • No garden which makes play for DD difficult and there's no room for a dryer so drying clothes in the winter is difficult
  • Starting to feel a bit cramped with us spending most of the day in our living room and there's no room for a dinning table in either the living room or kitchen
  • Neighbours aren't the most understanding and do complain about DD to the HA a lot, she's the only child in our block. HA don't uphold their complaints but it does play on my mind.

*I'm not currently working but I am looking

So WWYD? Move or Stay?

OP posts:
RuthW · 18/08/2018 18:27

Stay. Having a bigger and better house is no good if you are lonely and stressed with no family or help.

ShumpaLumpa · 18/08/2018 18:29

I would move. Could you learn to drive to visit family?

NotCatStaff · 18/08/2018 18:30

Could you learn to drive to visit family?

I'm currently learning but not having much success, I've had over 60 hours of lessons with 3 different instructors and I'm still not getting it.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 18/08/2018 18:34

I think your mum would get over her bonkers objections to visiting you if you moved.

Your flat doesn’t sound ideal but you do sound as if you need to move.

I’m not sure. Social support and nursery/schooling is very important in your situation. But you could find as good/better schools/nurseries in new place, perhaps? Familiar is always a draw but sometimes we can stay just out of familiarity.

You’ll get there with driving I’m sure. Have you considered automatic?

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