Possible dead neighbour etiquette

[elliejjtiny]

Saw a hearse outside elderly neighbours house last week when we were pulling out of drive. We've been neighbours since we moved in 14 years ago. We don't know them that well but we wave if we see them. She was really lovely to me when I had my miscarriage, she was the ambulance and asked our landlord what had happened. She brought round chocolates for me which was so lovely of her.

Anyway I'm not sure what to do about seeing the hearse. I would like to send a card or something but without knowing the details it's difficult. I don't want to be nosy and I can't exactly go round and ask if one of them is dead can I? The hearse might not even have been for either of them.

I think they knew our original landlord quite well but he died this year and his dd owns our house now. Mil thinks I should just go round and ask but surely if they wanted us to know they would have said something.

Would any other neighbour know?

I don’t think anyone in the aftermath of a death thinks to tell the neighbours officially.

I think your MIL is right - pop over with a pre-written card that you can put through the door if no answer, not a sympathy one, just one that says something like “We were sad to see the undertaker’s vehicle outside the other day. Please do knock if we can help in any way with anything.” Or similar- that’s not great wording, I know.

Go and ask if everything is OK, and if not if there is anything you can do. That is assuming there is someone there, if not, ask a neighbour. It might have been the house next door.

Look in the local papers for notices, there might be something in there.

I would go and ask. As long as you are not digging for gossip then the family would probably be touched.

Thankyou. Quick Google showed the death notice in the local paper (why didn't I think of that?) I'll get a card and pop it round.