At my wits end, 6 year old refusing to go to bed

[PirateMermaid]

My DD refuses to go to bed (she is 6 on the 1st September). She keeps getting out of bed, screaming at us, messing around and waking her younger brother up, dragging him out of bed to play, he is falling asleep and she keeps pulling the covers off him and jumping on his bed.

It’s not a one off, it’s every night. She has always been bad at bedtimes but it is breaking us now, she rarely settles before 10pm and me and DH never get an evening to ourselves. We often end up cooking and eating dinner at 10pm.

I just don’t know what to do.

They don’t share a room, she is in his straight away the second we leave them which basically means either me or DH has to sit upstairs all evening.

She is rewarded with iPad time if she goes to bed and stays in it. She gets a voucher for 10 mins of time. She hasn’t had a voucher for weeks so hasn’t had any screen time at all (she can earn vouchers in other ways but we’ve stopped them now until she is better behaved at bed time).

She does plenty during the day, eats healthily (the odd treat but not excessively so). Is an absolute angel all the time except bedtime. She says she is bored / not tired / scared or a whole variety of reasons. We’ve tried sleeping on her floor, strict routines and all sorts.

Routine is bath at 7pm, two to three books read to her depending on length and lights out 7.45pm. Wishful thinking. She can read quite well herself so we’ve left her reading but it seems to stimulate her more.

If she’s lovely during the day but not doing to sleep till late then as a previous PP said does she need 12 hours sleep? I think a PP said their child didn’t.

With two myself I get that it’s awesome to get them to bed to have an evening to yourself but if she’s coping well in the day maybe back bedtime later?

Given everything you’ve said, 7.45pm sounds far too early a bedtime to me.

My ten year old suffers from insomnia. Asleep at 11pm is classed as a good night. She simply cannot fall asleep. One doctors advice was simply if she doesn't fall asleep until that time then don't have bedtime at 9 because we get two hours (at least) of faffing and messing around. Currently it is 9.30 is gadgets etc off and be in bedroom doing reading, colouring in, stickers, building Lego or whatever and around 11 she settles down and relaxes and eventually falls asleep. Obviously my case is extreme but simply put - is her bedtime too early for her.

Look at the book What to Do When You Dread Your Bed, on Amazon. It has a method of engaging children in their own bedtime routine and some techniques they can use to settle themselves once you've said goodnight.

Have you tried audio books? You can borrow them from the library. They let children enjoy books ahead of their reading age, but are also easy to fall asleep to.

Can you try some more direct consequences? Tell her you are planning an outing for the next day, but only if DS gets a good night's sleep. If she disturbs him, he'll be overtired so you won't go. Also, what about one parent taking her swimming while DS goes to sleep, then bringing her home tired and straight into bed?

What you don't want, is to get tense and cross and get set into battles with her.

Much better to stay outside her room and return her if she leaves for a day or two or even a week than to put up with this long-term. Keep doing this all through the first night if that's what it takes and then it will take less effort the next night and so on. All lights off. No conversation, negotiation or argument, just return to room and repeat. Try this before anything else. It will work.