Does anyone actually enjoy family holidays?!

[weekfour]

You can probably guess, but I'm currently on holiday with 3DC (aged 1, 3 and 6), DH and my parents. It's fucking hard work and I feel like I'm spinning bloody plates trying to keep everyone smiling.

I'm too hot. DC are too hot. There's too much traffic. Everything is expensive (I've got enough money but resent being ripped off). No one will sleep at the same time so I'm feeling the need to burn the candle at both ends. I just want to be at home, where I know where everything is and I don't have to police a fucking swimming pool.

There we go. I feel better already.

Apologies if I don't reply. The air on keeps knocking off the circuit board in our 'luxury' villa which takes the WiFi with it. Or somebody wants something. Again.

I love holidays, but this summer we went away with my parents ( as well as DH and 2 boys - 9&14) and keeping everyone happy ( particularly the oldies) was hard work.

I think it improves as they get older. Or that has been my experience anyway.

I have three DDs. 23, 19 and 16 years old.

The teenage years have been better for us when we have had the chance to go on holiday. They were old enough to pretty much do their own thing, and that allowed all of us some freedom. They even cooked the odd meal if we were staying in the apartment.

At the age your children are, not so much. Hard work, just in a different environment.

I love them , but my dh pulls his weight and I get sleep ins (baby doesn’t sleep). We have a 2m old and 3yo , plan minimal activities. Went to Portugal recently, rarely out of the apartment before 11, pool might be the only activity for the day. All a 3yo wants is to have daddy catch him as he jumps into the pool.
We are about to go with the pil but I think it will be fine - they will go along with what we want to do and it’s an extra pair of hands with a newborn, especially in the airport.

I love them but it's just me and young DS so I'm in charge on holiday

Holidays are hard work with babies and toddlers, unless you're somewhere baby-proofed, as you are discovering. When my two were little we used to go to places listed on Baby Friendly Boltholes www.babyfriendlyboltholes.co.uk/, or Tots to Travel totstotravel.co.uk/ or some other site that only listed properties that were safe for small DC. You need a fenced pool, a gently shelving beach, a playground on site or nearby and travel cot, high chair, potty, etc, provided. Without that any holiday is going to be anything but.

OP take a deep breath and ride it out, but learn from this. Most of us have one shit holiday that makes us resolve to never to X again, so just see this as a learning curve (an expensive one).

And I agree to holidaying somewhere cool with young DC, whether that's in the UK or somewhere else. We love the Med at any time other than July/Aug. It's just too fucking hot in the summer! So we go in Feb, at Easter, in May or Oct, when it's lovely - warm and sunny, but not too hot.

Personally I find holidays much less stressful than home even with babies and toddlers. Trick is pm I eventually figured out, is going all inclusive. I scoffed at the idea pre-kids but it takes away a great deal of decision making which is such a relief, no what should we cook, where should we go, how long is the food going to take I've run out of distractions for the kids oh fucking great they don't like what they asked for/knocked over their drink. Also I wouldn't dream of holidaying with grandparents but they wouldn't with us either .

You have a one adult to one child ratio. Should be easy.

Yup. Staying at a hotel by the airport. We're all in one room. With one toilet. We also have a very hormonal, intolerant hf autistic ds1. He has had two meltdowns already between home and car park of the hotel.
Ds2 is driving me nuts with the constant questions and wanting something different. I want my own room!!!🤬

Oh @MalloryLaurel Feel for you all in one room. Hope it gets better.

And I'm feeling better about telling them all here that I'm not going in holiday next year, or actually until the smallest is five.

My stipulations for a family holiday are:
At least 3 bedrooms (one is just for me)
If self catering, decent appliances and a few meals out
If AI, quiet accommodation
An afternoon nap when required (for me)
DH taking kids off to the park or whatever so I can chill once a day- I reciprocate to give him a break
Sharing morning get-ups with DH
Sharing cooking with DH
No tacky evening entertainment
I'm in charge of packing
DH is in charge of all driving

I love holidays and it’s not true you can’t take young ones abroad. DC1 went to Barcelona, Singapore and Malaysia at 2. DC2 went to Melbourne before she was 1. The mistake maybe the self catering? Or are you eating out every meal?

And definitely don’t holiday with the grandparents.

I love them. My husband and I went to Venice with my parents and our toddler when I was heavily pregnant... it was actually really lovely!! My 2 year old loved the boats and was really well behaved.. and my parents watched him for a couple of nights so me and my husband could go out for dinner and cocktails...

Im not sure its going to play out the same now we have 2 young children though... but you never know. Im still going to give it a go. We will all be going to the south of France next summer!
I guess it depends how 'helpful' your family is with the younger children. And the nature of your children...

For the last 2 years we've gone with parents on the basis that we thought the extra help would be great. Actually it turned out that I spent my holiday making sure they were happy/making sure our plans matched their plans etc. It was exhausting! We've just returned from our first family holiday (2DCs aged 3 & 6) and it was fantastic! We could do exactly what we wanted, when we wanted and it was so much more relaxing. Maybe try holidaying without the parents next time? Plus your kids will be older - a 1 year old is hard work abroad!!!

I am currently away with two teenagers, 13 and 17 (both ASD) and DH. I am counting the hours until we get home now. 17yo won’t take their meds to help them sleep and is up all night and sleeps all day so won’t do anything with us. Behaviour is especially bad on holiday as it’s different which I understand but they are so difficult and never happy with anything.
We are in a holiday cottage not a hotel. If we all had to share a room I’d be locked up somewhere by now. 13yo is hyper and excited but influenced by the eldest. We are taking him out a lot which is nice but exhausting. We are tired in the evening and 17yo then complains that they haven’t done anything interesting...we planned lots of days out they would enjoy but they won’t get up and come with us.

I used to enjoy them, but then we never did the pool thing, but something more structured where we never had the expectations of sitting down and relaxing.

We did go abroad (France, Germany), but then I'm an immigrant to the UK anyway, so I never quite felt that abroad was that much more difficult than somewhere away from the UK anyway.

YANBU. I love holidays with my DH and kids (was meant to be in Spain right now but cancelled due to DS having surgery 😢) but we learnt to knock family (ie siblings, grandparents and parents) holidays on the head. Too many people to consider and please, no one can ever make a fucking decision about what to do and it is always somehow me who is the one responsible for everyone being happy/fed/on time to things.

There's always that pressure of 'well is your mum wanting to come tonight' or 'what day shall we do the beach, let's check with the 53 other people on this holiday with us in case anyone takes offence that we didn't invite them'.

Also we like to eat out in places that aren't quite expensive fine dining, but aren't quite 3 courses for €8. And I get sick of DH's family moaning about the price of things. Last year one meal (we'd picked the restaurant because of course no one else can make a fucking decision) consisted of 2 hours of whingeing about the bread and aioli costing €2 per head. The whole. Bloody. Meal.

I'd rather just go with DH and decide on the cusp what we're gonna do. So much easier that way!

We are self catering in a cottage in Cornwall and I hate it most of the time. Constant washing and cleaning up interspersed with my 10 and 12 year old fighting or sulking. I spend most of the time walking past the bars and shops I'd like to be in so we can take the kids on a bloody steam train or crabbing.

I usually love holidays.

I do try to avoid anywhere too hot though.

When the kids were small we usually just relaxed on holidays and didn’t try to do much. Cocopops for breakfast then a swim in the pool was enough for a day.

I do remember being in Legoland once feeding a 5 week old on a bench while the 3 other kids were with DH on a ride thinking, just as well he is calm baby, this could have gone horribly wrong.
We graduated in to backpacking round Asia for 2 months with 4 kids. The youngest was 3 then. Still plenty of do nothing days included.

I feel for you, I really do because I eas in your place 1 month ago, even down to the 67 yo lazy DM and onus on me to organise / plan / do

I was told by DH, in the politest way, we have only 10 more summer holidays left with our 6yo, try to enjoy it as I became more and more stoppy and resentful, as the week went on.

His advice made me sad but also jolted me to take a better attitude with the kids (so let my serious pissed off self disappear and acted silly, jumping in the pool, doing made up pool shows etc) and basically left DM & DF to it.

I stopped cooking and organising and started saying “we’re doing this at x time tomorrow”, and was more assertive with what needed doing “mum, I will start the potatoes and salad, will you bath DC1/2 and get them ready for bed”

It’s hard. I came home feeling guilty that I’d had a luxurious holiday and didn’t enjoy it, and that my family (not DH) had wound me up, but for DC, I did change my own attitude as I was started to really resent them

Earlier on I said how much I much enjoy.

This contributes....

I go as luxury as possible
I go All inclusive
I go guaranteed sun but not too hot (Caribbean, February, late 20s)
I throw money at potential “hot spots” eg I pay for valet parking at the airport (I always wait for their 20% codes closer to time) and private taxi transfers at the other side
I pay extra for civilised time flights

And finally

It’s just me. And my two children.

Heaven.

I enjoy them!
My dc are 14, 13 and 6 so it’s sometimes tricky finding something they all enjoy but they’re all happy with pool/out somewhere for lunch/activities/beach/our for dinner etc so actually holidays are really enjoyable for all of us. We took them abroad for holidays when the oldest were about 2 and 3, wouldn’t have bothered before as they don’t really get much out of it (IMO, I’m sure someone is going to tell me otherwise!), and for the adults it’s just the same shit in a different location. Plus I couldn’t be dealing with flying with a pushchair/carseat and all the assorted crap you have to take with babies.
I don’t go on holiday with parents though. We did do a short break with the in laws last year which, although lovely, opened my eyes to how structured and routine they are, and how neither of them could do anything without time appropriate tea and coffee breaks at set times. Bonkers!
They are absolutely lovely and they adore the dc but 3 days at a UK seaside was plenty.

We're currently having a great holiday with DS12 and his pal. It's half board so few decisions to be made or niggles about how much we're spending- and has expanded DS's limited repertoire somewhat- and activities are organised by the tour company. We usually go sc so this is a bit of a revelation to me, although I miss choosing what I want for dinner and suspect the buffet breakfast and 4 course dinners including cheese have piled on the pounds .

Holidays on our own with DS these days are less successful. DH is like the human version of a labrador - hugely enthusiastic about everything and bouncing with energy, and it seems to turn DS into a bit of a strop. But with other people around generally good.

Having had a few poor holidays I now know to avoid places where you have to drive every day, accommodation not as nice as my house, stressful parking and too many people coming with me. It's hard enough to decide what to do and where to eat for three!

Yes. But I didn’t bother until the youngest was 4!