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Making friends as an adult

10 replies

darlingchops · 16/08/2018 15:35

Genuine question - how do you make lasting friends as an adult.

I work and have had various hobbies over the years but I struggle to build lasting friendships. Is it just me?

OP posts:
pinkunicorn20 · 16/08/2018 15:37

No it's me too I'm lacking the qualities of a likeable person I think. I have acquaintances and friends to socialise with on occasion but not one I'd call a real friend, not for a long time

cjt110 · 16/08/2018 15:40

I think you have to have a common ground. People I know who have made adult friendships have done so via hobbies, baby groups and shared interests/principles.

I think also, there are what my Mum calls "life stage friends" where friends ebb and flow in your life. I was friends with X when I attended a mother and baby group but this has now waned as the children are older. Same with old uni friends.

I'm crabby and old before my time. Prefer my own company and find friendships hard work now that I'm older and don't tolerate shit anymore.

KlutzyDraconequus · 16/08/2018 15:42

Wish I knew. I'm 38 and not a friend, colleague, acquaintance in the world.
My daughter is at her mum's and has been since the 6th, I've had no company since then. I've lived in my new house 2 months and not a single visitor has sat in my sofa.

darlingchops · 16/08/2018 15:43

pinkunicorn20 I'm sure that's not the case, we are all different.

I have friends from my teens/20's but we are either not that close now or live far away. But i have not made a new 'friend' for many years.

OP posts:
darlingchops · 16/08/2018 15:44

I also have no children and I think, from what others have said, that bring a lot of social interaction.

OP posts:
darlingchops · 16/08/2018 15:45

klutzy sorry to hear that.

OP posts:
cjt110 · 16/08/2018 15:46

I also have no children and I think, from what others have said, that bring a lot of social interaction. IME, it doesn't.

KlutzyDraconequus · 16/08/2018 16:08

It's not my experience either that kids bring socialising.

And no need to be sorry OP.

I've made choices in life that led me where I am. I'm also incredibly introverted and misanthropic. But it'd be nice to have one person I could tolerate..

DilianaDilemma · 16/08/2018 16:13

I'm an expat so basically had to learn as I have literally zero old friends around here.

IME, it's a numbers game. I've made about five real friends here (as opposed to mere acquaintances) - that amounts to somewhat under a friend a year on average. I've literally got several hundred contacts around, though.

Of the friends I do have here, I met three via work. One I immediately clicked with, one I took a decent amount of time to get used to but genuinely live to bits nowadays and one worked well from the beginning but we only really made friends when she changed jobs and I was no longer her boss, which I find tends to complicate relationships somewhat.

Of the two people whom I've made friends with outside work, one was a date. We got on like a house on fire from the very start but the attraction wasn't there for either of us. The other one is friends with an acquaintance. We have quite a few interests in common.

As a general rule, I think you need to get to know tons of people to find the few you really want to be friends with. Or that's the case for me, anyway.

The good thing is that it's very doable. I'm definitely not someone who makes friends particularly easily.

Basically, you just start meeting them and in some cases you enjoy each other enough for it to develop from there.

Notquiteagandt · 16/08/2018 21:47

Try meetup? Bound to be meet ups for things you are interested in.most people there probally simular situation.

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