Would this upset/annoy you?

[KreigersClones]

I’m quite well known among my circle of friends as being good with plaiting and canerowing hair. I’ve done friends hair in the past, and friends children etc.
My friend asked me to cane row her dds hair. I did half her hair no probs, second half she became fidgety, then started screaming that I was hurting her. I wasn’t going particularly tight, but offered to stop but Friend said no carry on (knew I wasn’t hurting her) bribed her with chocolate bar, put cartoon on for her. She’s five, so still young, so I tried to explain to her if she kept her head still it would be quicker and it was hurting because I was holding onto the hair as I plaited, so if she shook her head and screamed etc then it would hurt. As I said I offered to stop but friend said no, it’s nearly done now blah blah blah.
So anyway I’ve finished her hair. Once is done she loved it, looking on the mirror, turning her head to see the sides smiling etc so she was happy.

So the next time I see friend her dd was misbehaving, and started having a tantrum. and then friend says to her ‘dd if you carry on, I will get clones to plait your hair again’.
Now this child has turned and looked at me, screaming with what is literally hatred in her eyes.
I said to friend in mock-surprise/joking-but-actually-deadly-serious tone ‘omg x, don’t say that, she’ll hate me’ to which she replied, ‘we’ve been saying it ever since you done it and it usually does the trick’

I’m seriously quite upset . I feel like I did her a favour by doing her dds hair, it would have cost £40 up to get it done in a salon how I did it, and, I don’t know, I just wouldn’t encourage my children to disrespect and look at, well anyone like that, let alone one of my friends. It reminded me of one of those people that when their kids are misbehaving in public, and they’re like ‘that man/woman is going to tell you off in a minute’. Like, don’t use me to discipline your child, you discipline her.
I’m not too sure what to think about it, but I think maybe I’m being sensitive/overreacting? Or should I have taken this like a joke?

I don't think that's funny at all, your 'friend' is a dick

I'd be really annoyed!! Decline any requests from that parent in future!

I would say something. At least there's no chance you'll have to do it again

I'd have been annoyed at that too.

It's like the people that tell their dc they are going to tell the child's teacher, or that a police officer will come and tell them off.

Ludicrous.

It would upset me, yes. (I am quite sensitive, though).

A similar experience: my grandmother has very weak gums due to a medication she used to take years and years ago and lost a lot of her teeth as a consequence. My dad used to say to my siblings and me that if we didn't brush our teeth properly we'd end up like GM. It really upset her as she felt it implied that she didn't follow basic hygiene etc etc and it would make us lose respect for her.

I would say something directly to the child.

‘Don’t worry sweetheart, whatever mummy says I won’t be doing that to your hair again. I didn’t realise you didn’t like it, I wish mummy had told me to stop. I would never hurt you on purpose.

And then never do friend or her children’s hair again. It’s totally out of order.

This was a few days ago now, but it’s been going over and over in my head, I didn’t know if I was just being overly sensitive.
I don’t know if I’ll bring it up to her or not to be honest, i don’t really want any drama or anything.
I definitely will not be doing her dds hair again though!!

That was mean of her esp as you took all that time doing it! Just don't do it for her again. Her loss.

It took me about 3 hours to do it (as I kept stopping, didnt want to just yank her hair as she was moving her head, so as soon as she was moving her head I was just letting go). I’m glad others agree with me though, like I said it’s been going over my head for a few days and has really upset me.

That was really out of order if your "friend". I bet she asks you again at some point, too!

I think that it's really unkind and unfair of your friend to use you as a threat like that, especially as you did her such a big favour.

But I do think that 3 hours is a VERY long time for a 5 year old to sit still. You clearly weren't hurting the girl, but at the same time she obviously found the experience uncomfortable and distressing (especially if her mum is still using it as a threat if she misbehaves).

It seems like it was done for the mum's benefit rather than something that the child wanted. It reminds me of the recent thread where a distressed toddler was being held down in Claire's so that her ears could be pierced. I can't understand why mum wanted you to keep going if her little girl was unhappy

Your friend needs to take responsibility for her choices and not blame you or use you in this way. No wonder you're upset.

It is a very long time, I agree!
Usually it would take me an hour/hour and a half but as I said I kept stopping, I didn’t want to yank her hair etc. with my dd I would’ve held a bit tighter so as to not lose the plait and not have to restart it, but you obviously don’t want to do that to someone else’s child.
I just feel like I went out of my way to NOT hurt her or do it tightly, so for her to say that, like i was hurting her on purpose as some sort of threat or punishment has really upset me/pissed me off!