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Original poster

DS (13) alone on a train?

47 replies

cakedup · 15/08/2018 22:37

DS(13) (going into Year 9 in September) has been invited to stay at friends for a couple of night, one hour train journey away. In the past I've taken him up there on the train and then picked him up on the train but as you can imagine this is costly and takes a lot of time.

I asked him if he felt comfortable going/returning by himself and he said he did. I would put him on the train and my friend would greet him the other end (and vice versa). There are no changes on the route. We would stay in touch by phone during the journey. He is dyslexic so not great at reading but I would make a list of all the stations he has to pass that he can tick off.

He hasn't travelled independently before really (his school is across the road) save for a couple of short tube journeys.

Would you feel comfortable with this?

OP posts:

Original poster

cakedup · 16/08/2018 00:15

it's arguably much safer to do than 20 years ago I agree WomblingWoman and along with phones there are CCTV cameras everywhere. Also, when I was getting on trains back in the day, there were those single self-contained carriages which seems ridiculously unsafe now!

OP posts:

Thomasinaa · 16/08/2018 00:28

Very over-cautious. My DD is the same age and recently did a 4 hour trip on a train through Germany on her own. From age 14 my older DD has regularly done 12 hour train journeys alone, involving several changes, including through London on the underground.

DoorbellsSleighbellsSchnitzel · 16/08/2018 00:46

Agree re: having ID to prove age if there might be any doubt. The only thing I'd add is to ensure he would know what to do in the event that his train were cancelled enroute before he reached his destination; obviously call you/your friend to let them know, but also to listen out for any announcements and ask the train guard or platform staff if in doubt.

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Original poster

cakedup · 16/08/2018 01:15

Wow Thomasinaa that's impressive! I've gone at DS' pace really. He had the opportunity to take a tube journey once a week but preferred I go with him as he found the maps/changes confusing. He seemed enthusiastic about tomorrow though.

OP posts:

SeaToSki · 16/08/2018 01:42

Great idea to let him go, good confidence booster. Just run through a couple of scenarios about stuff going wrong or problems and what he might choose to do.

You miss your stop, what next?
Your phone is out of battery, what next?
You need the loo, what next?

Then you can talk through options and best choices and potential conversations etc. its very empowering if you do it with a positive mind set

cakesonatrain · 16/08/2018 06:59

Speak to the conductor when you put him on the train. As a child he is a Vulnerable Person and the conductor will keep an eye on your ds and remind him to get off at the right stop

ScrubTheDecks · 16/08/2018 07:05

If he is a London kid wit a Zip card surely he is used to travelling by himself? A one hour train journey with no changes is less than lots of kids do on their own from the start of secondary!

Just arrange for him to do it with no fuss.

SoupDragon · 16/08/2018 07:07

Speak to the conductor when you put him on the train

How do you get on the platform with no ticket? I’ve always had to stay the other side of the barriers when waving DC off.

ScrubTheDecks · 16/08/2018 07:08

And asking a conductor to keep an eye on an able-bodied NT 13 year old Zip card holder is way OTT and will embarrass him. (Don’t know the OP’s circumstances but all the London kids I know are very used to public transport at that age)

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 16/08/2018 07:10

Talk to the guard/train manager and they’ll normall tell him to sit in 1st class or near the buffet.

cakesonatrain · 16/08/2018 07:11

"How do you get on the platform with no ticket? I’ve always had to stay the other side of the barriers when waving DC off."

I guess it depends on the setup at your local station. Small stations don't have barriers.

BertrandRussell · 16/08/2018 07:20

I made a sort of home made photo “age proving” card for my children when they were about this age by photocopying their passport, shrinking and laminating it.

sashh · 16/08/2018 07:22

How do you get on the platform with no ticket? I’ve always had to stay the other side of the barriers when waving DC off.

You go to the person at the barrier and say, "my son is making his first solo journey so I want to put him on the train" and they let you through.

In the old days they would give you a 'platform ticket' but I don't think you need one unless you are a trainspotter so are going to be there for a few hours.

Once on the platform there are usually staff on the platform, they can pass a message on to the train manager.

Original poster

cakedup · 16/08/2018 09:44

ScrubTheDecks we live opposite his school and anywhere else we go together. He has only gone out with friends within walking distance.

BertrandRussell great idea re passport. I think his zip card serves as age id though.

SeaToSki good idea re scenarios.

It's a mainline London station with barriers but I just presumed the guards at the gate would let me through. As for talking to the train conductor, I wouldn't know how to find him?

OP posts:

KindergartenKop · 16/08/2018 11:37

I would
a) let him
b) also start him being more independent eg learning how to do buses on his own. Think about how independent he will need to be at 16/18 and work backwards!

Jaxhog · 16/08/2018 11:41

He'll be fine. I know we're a bit more cautious these days, but I used to go to school by train on my own from the age of 11. I also went to London by train (20 mins) and then around on the underground at 12 years old!

He's got a mobile phone, so can let you know if there's a mishap. But there won't be.

Original poster

cakedup · 16/08/2018 13:11

Well ds rolled his eyeballs at every 'what if' scenario I presented to him, saying he'd heard it a hundred times at school. He wouldn't let me talk to the train conductor but I passed him once ds was on the train and had a sneaky word. Told conductor ds didn't really want to be looked after and he asked if he was allowed to wind him up

Thanks everyone, this thread has really made me realise I do need to encourage him to be more independent.

OP posts:

sashh · 16/08/2018 13:36

I bet he is loving the independence.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 16/08/2018 15:07

I think he is more than old enough for this.

QuimReaper · 16/08/2018 15:32

My mum used to tell me to watch out for a particular stop (I think two stops before the destination), and if I felt I might need the loo, to go there and then, in case I mis-judged the timing and was in the loo when I got to my stop or ran out of time to run back to my seat for my things.

Smarshian · 16/08/2018 15:36

At 12/13 I took a bus then 2 trains to my dads house every other weekend (he picked us up from the station that end) and then 2 trains back (mum pick us up this end). Think you are making a much bigger deal of this than it needs to be.

sallysparrow157 · 16/08/2018 15:44

The national rail app is great if he’s worried he will miss his stop - the ‘live trains’ bit has an option to set an alarm 5/10 mins before arriving at your station. It also gives you a predicted arrival time at each station which is updated if the train is delayed - so he can let the person he’s meeting know when he’s due in, and if doing a journey where you need to change trains you can work out if the delay means you’ll miss your connection so gives you time to plan alternative trains to catch etc

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