Please help, I need some advice

[ssss28]

I'm sorry if this post doesn't make much sense, I'm having a crisis moment and I'm posting here as I know this thread will eventually disappear. I'm a regular poster hiding behind a name change.

I have a 5mo baby who is so clingy and will only settle with me or her dad. She is BF, she absolutely refuses bottles, we've tried so many diff bottles, when she's sleepy, hungry, happy, crying and she makes gagging noises as soon as the teat is even touching her lips.

I've just ended up having a breakdown in my mums car because I can't cope anymore. I'm so desperate for a full nights sleep and to be away from her, I ended up screaming at her to shut up because she was tired but wouldn't fall asleep and I couldn't help her because we were driving. I just feel like I want to take my other child and leave, I'm so sad and fed up. I'm ill with another cold because I'm just so run down and I just feel like nobody understands

My OH has suggested staying the night at my mums and he would keep the baby and offer formula, but I feel like such a failure. She won't take the bottle and she'll just scream for me, what if finally cries herself to sleep and she's hungry?!

I'm so desperate for some time away but at the same time I feel like the worst mum wanting to leave her. I love her but I feel like she's ruining every day for me because she never gives me a break.

I'm sorry this post is so long and whingey, I just feel really sad and lost right now and I don't know what to do.

I've been there. Dd5 was ebf until 7 months and I was exhausted. Wouldn't take a bottle. Cried a lot. A friend offered to take her for the night and like your self I felt like a bad parent. But the break did us both good. When she was hungry enough she took the bottle for my friend and getting a nights sleep left me less stressed. Sending hugs.

That sounds so so hard and I can completely empathise.

I have/had a very clingy baby, he had terrible reflux so could only sleep being held upright on me.

I think you should take your do up on his offer, just to get one night's good sleep.

Sounds really tough for you.

Oh love

I think you need to see your GP or your HV to discuss how you're feeling. They'll be able to point you in the direction of what support there is locally and give you the help you need to not be sad any more. I've been there and it's not a fun place to be but you can come out the other side, it won't always be this way.

In the short term, some sleep will probably help with your cold. When is your DH due home today? Can he put your older child to bed while you go to bed at the same time as the baby? Even if you only got 3-4hrs before she wakes up for her next feed, it's something.

Take up the offer
Baby will.feed from.bottle eventually.when hungry

Please just put your own needs first. You have the support network in place. Just get some rest. Your baby may be frustrated if you are not there but she may surprise you and take a bottle. She needs a rested, well mum. You are entitled to this too.

I had PND, and at 8 months I knew I couldn't go on breastfeeding, and DD wouldn't take a bottle of any kind. DH took over for a couple of days, I didn't go near her so she couldn't smell me/milk. It worked, I never BF her again, and she was not traumatised by it in the slightest.

Thank you guys.

I just feel so guilty, I love her so much but I need to feel like me again. And right now I'm just mum and milk.

If I take my other child out for the day I spend most of it worried about baby's naps as she finds it hard to fall asleep and stay asleep in her pram. If we stay at home she'll nap for 2.5/3 hours and be fine, but it means me and DD4 have to stay in. I don't even have a garden she can play in. Other people offer to take her out, but I want to be the one doing the fun things with her but I can't because I'm stuck with the baby.

This is the first time I've ever admitted to anyone else except DP how i'm feeing, and I feel so so ashamed of myself

There is no shame in handing her over to her other parent while you take a break. He has right to be involved in solving these problems too. And you trust him, don’t you?

DO NOT feel guilty, please. You are caring for both DCs, but you also need to care for yourself. Take up the offer of someone taking the baby, and enjoy spending some 1 on 1 time with the other child.

Oh it’s sooooo hard. DC3 was a non-sleeper for 3 years. I am a changed woman for life.

Lack of sleep is tortuous. All 3 of mine were extremely demanding babies and it was a killer! I had moments where I would scream into a pillow and practically shred it with my own tears of anguish, rage, disappointment in myself. It can be maddening.

Leave the house. Stay with Mum, in a hotel, anywhere. But take OH up on the offer and get thee to a bed for 8 hours of unbroken sleep.
Trust.
Your baby will be fine!
You need to look after you. I’d actually leave both kids with DH and just totally de-mum for a night. It makes a huge difference!

When you do attempt bottles again, I highly recommend Nuk bottles.

Op seriously have a night off, get some sleep. You aren't a failure you are exhausted.

I will go to my mums, DD4 is excited about all the things we can do together but then she added "I hope baby will be ok with daddy". DP is amazing but about a month ago DD decided that he wasn't going to settle her to sleep anymore and it had to be me.

I don't mind BF her, I did it with DD4 until 7 months, I just wish she would occasionally take a bottle like her sister did, but instead she just screams.

I held her for so long yesterday when we were out that my shoulder ached. And every time I put her in her sling she cries. I know she's having a hard time with teething, but I just hate feeling like I'm trapped at home because if we go out she cries and won't go to anyone else.

I'm trying so hard to think that it won't be forever, it just feels like it!