Xenophobic neighbour/ex friend

[Pickledpickles]

Just a bit of a rant really. My NDN used to be my best friend. I've distanced myself over the past few months after I realised how sexist he is, how he objectifies women, and lots of other things. Our friendship ran its course I think. The other day I was outside with my children playing and he and another neighbour were discussing how a local guy had had some work equipment stolen. My NDN turned round and said "I bet you'll find it was the Poles and if you go down such and such market I bet you'd find all his stuff there." The other neighbour seemed embarrassed and didn't seem to know how to respond to that so did that embarrassed sort of laugh and divert the conversation. He's half his age, if not more and a nice lad from a lovely family. NDN has very strong opinions on this family but is very two faced. In fact his two faced-ness is one of the reasons I've distanced myself. He bitches about all the neighbours but is really friendly to their faces. So I thought he probably did the same about me and my children. I wasn't active in the conversation about the theft but wish I'd have said something. We have Polish friends but even if we didn't I wouldn't have liked his comments. I hate that kind of attitude to others. I was really offended as was my daughter who has a Polish friend in her class. We live in a predominantly white British community that's pretty small town but NDN was brought up in a large city full of diversity. It's as though he knows of one Polish person who has stolen something so has tarred all Polish people with the same brush. I don't even know what to call it. Polish isn't a race so racist doesn't seem right. It's made me really angry that someone I'd have done anything for, who I considered my closest friend, who I'd trust with my life, has turned out to be this horrible something-ist person who is two faced and no longer someone I want in our lives. I hope this makes sense and not sure why I'm posting except to have a rant about how disappointed I am in both him for his attitudes and me for wasting years on someone who has turned out to be someone different to who I thought he was. I'll be keeping my distance even more now.

I abruptly dropped some friends after they expressed some very abhorrent views. It was very sudden and we'd been becoming closer friends for a few years. After a few drinks they started up and almost seemed to be competing with each other to be the most offensive.

They'd always had to drive home and both stayed fairly sober before so I'd never seen them drunk.

It was a shock to have been so misled by them. I felt stupid for not noticing

Some people can be such a disappointment can't they. I've been decreasing my social circle slowly over the past few years. If people add nothing good to my life or actively create negative emotions then I cut them out. Most of my family fall into that category. I just haven't got any patience for small minded people.

I'm stronger now I'm older and a parent. I'm much more decisive and harder. I'm proud of most of my decisions and don't regret stuff and feel I've let myself down by being weak.

I have a much smaller social circle too (I more easily recognise then try to avoid toxic people) but still find myself missing people even though I know I made the right decisions to cut them out. With the couple from before - they were friends and I had many good times with them although my partner always was reluctant to spend too much time with them.

I tried confronting a male friend on his casual racism and sexism but got nowhere really. He understood enough to watch what he said around me but it was awkward afterwards. He was only watching what he said because I didn't like it - not because he thought he'd said anything wrong.

It's amazing how much casual sexism and racism there is about.