What do you think is important in developing strong mental health in children/ young people?

[pickety]

Just thinking about my past and another thread, I think a lot of shit in my life could have been avoided / dealt with a lot better if I had good mental health and confidence.

My whole life trajectory could have been so different. I've missed out on opportunities / gave up easily / not fulfilled my potential all on account of low self confidence and poor mental health.

I have young DC and dont want them to go through what i did.

What do you think is important in nurturing strong mental health in young children / teens. It would be interesting to hear from a psychologist's point of view if there are any around!

No pressure? Listen to them? Try and give them a happy childhood? Be present for them? Never give up on them? Stability? Set some boundaries? Endless love and forgiveness?

Not much idea really. Just my summising, and I've never read a psychology book.

The number of people with mental health problems is worrying. There's a lot parent's could do to avoid passing on issues to their children but they won't be popular on MN.

How about schools actually dealing with bullying like they're supposed to.

I think letting them do more for themselves and being able to take reasonable risks at a younger age.

Love, security, consistency, respect, more love......All of the money you'll ever have again? Time, boundaries, freedom, more love, more money, self confidence, humility....

Love,stable and secure environment, opportunities to learn,try,make mistakes and be independent.

Tackle domestic violence, abuse, bullying and parents' mental health problems.

Supportive adults to talk to, no topics off limits.

Doing the best you can is important, but not at the expense of your mental health. It should all be more about exploration amd enjoyment than achievement at this stage.

Thanks for starting this thread, op. I have been thinking about starting a similar one myself. I hate my own lack of confidence, and don't want the same for my own child.

No pressure? Listen to them? Try and give them a happy childhood? Be present for them? Never give up on them? Stability? Set some boundaries? Endless love and forgiveness?

^ This. Well this is what I'm trying to do with my DD.

I think also don't be dismissive. I had a lot of issues from my Lord of The Flies comprehensive school and when I've tried to talk about it people just tend to talk over me about how it helped with my social skills and how to get on with people from different backgrounds rather than actually listen to my experience when it doesn't fit their narrative.

Help them to create and nurture an emotional hinterland through love of reading, music and nature. When life becomes stressful they can turn to their inner resources to give them respite/strength.

Shun the blame culture; accidents happen, people make mistakes. If they mess up they should make reparation (if possible) then move on without beating themselves up.

Teach them about good nutrition (I'm still working on this 🙂) and how to prepare a healthy meal/snack. Also exercise and meditation. Model this!

Let them know they don't have to be perfect and shouldn't expect perfection in others. This is a huge pressure on young people - both to excel academically and in physical appearance.

Limit tech and social media.

Unconditional love.
Consistent and reasonable boundaries.
Not flying of the handle at mistakes. Accept that sometimes as a parent YOU can make a mistake as well.
Show how to apologize, and how to accept an apology.
Encouragement to try new things.
Foster a love of the outdoors and some kind of exercise/sport. Nature and exercise are vital for good MH I believe.
Helping work through social situations.
Be open and honest and show hot to tackle difficult topics.

For me, along with the 'don't be dismissive' of a pp I'd go with 'build up their sense of self-worth', and make them feel the most important person in their own lives, though not to the extreme of being the centre of anyone else's (including yours). In other words, a midpoint between my sibling (who's now an entitled, bullying narc who believes the world revolves around her) and me (I realised when I was young that my mother couldn't cope with dealing with my emotions, along with her own and my sibling's, so ended up dealing with everything internally leading to a mental health episode in my 20s).

Let them solve their own problems, allow them to be disappointed and show them how to deal with it properly, let them experience grief through pets, model appropriate responses to small problems instead of always being 'fuming', let them take their own risks and if they fail talk about what to do next time, let it be ok to come last and praise them for sportsmanship towards others, stop giving excuses as to why they can't do something and have high expectations for them to be able to do things.

Chances to take a break from tech, don't underestimate the power of a few days camping with books, colouring, chances for walks and outdoor cooking.

Challenging but manageable projects such as cooking, building furniture, learning something new like archery or climbing or first aid - learn with them do they know it is okay not to know everything as a grown up, there is always time to learn.

I just finished typing that and realised I am pretty much describing Scouting. I thought no there was a study recently that said Scouting as a child had links with positive mental health as an adult so I guess that makes sense.

I believe mental health issues derive in large part from modern atomisation, heightened individualism (isolationism) and pointless consumerism. All of these lead to extreme nihilism and a sense of hopelessness. To combat these a parent needs to create meaning in a world which is fighting against them to remove meaning. So you must teach your kids...

1. Who they are and where they came from. Ground them in a strong sense of their identity - ethnic, religious, cultural, ancestral... Teach them about their grandparents, great grandparents and anyone else relevant. The struggles they faced and overcame. Tell them that they are a precious link in a long chain of people.

1. That they are connected to things greater than themselves. They are part of, first, a family which will both protect them and expect them to act responsibly. Then they are part of a wider community - your village, town etc. Reinforce this with community activities - church, scouts, school clubs etc.

1. Explain to them that the modern world, either by design or accident, is inimicable to happiness. Pretty much everything they will be taught - eg. "you can be whoever/whatever you want to be", "every lifestyle choice is just as valid as any other" - will damage their prospects of achieving happy, healthy, productive lives.

1. Social media is a great evil. It promotes atomisation, unhappiness and wastes your time. Don't give them smartphones, explain to them why. Limit internet access.

Much more, particularly related to the things they should have as their primary goals in life, but these are the basics.

Tell them 'no' sometimes. Smooth the path, but not too much. Let there be appropriate consequences. So much of mental health is tied to resilience, imho and we're not very good at letting children bounce back from hardship - rather we rush to remove the hardship.

And limit social media and model this yourself.

Scatterolight, could you explain this to me a bit more, please?

3. Explain to them that the modern world, either by design or accident, is inimicable to happiness. Pretty much everything they will be taught - eg. "you can be whoever/whatever you want to be", "every lifestyle choice is just as valid as any other" - will damage their prospects of achieving happy, healthy, productive lives.

I'm thinking now of the Serenity Prayer: 'God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.'

Not sure I agree with a PP that everything about modern life tends towards unhappiness (LGBT people nowadays have a much better chance of fulfilling relationships now than in, say, Oscar Wilde's time, and life for the serfs in medieval times was mostly nasty, brutish and short) but certainly we need to look critically at a culture that puts all responsibility on the individual while concentrating resources and power in the hands of faceless corporate oligarchies.

Love, attention, listening carefully, knowing when to be involved and when to stand back. Put real value on their opinions and desires, do things together often, eat together every day. Teach them manners and what is considered good behaviour so that you can enjoy being with them. Respect them. Let them be the stars of the show, not you.

@pickety - look up some of the research / articles about 'GRIT' and the 'Growth Mindset'. Really strikes me as a foundation for self-confidence and developing an innate sense of self-worth in people of all ages, but especially young people / children.

I feel this is so important. I really want ds to have good self esteem. I have zero confidence myself.

I wouldn't suggest banning social media, but I would encourage other pursuits and by all means limit access to tech (especially at night) - and I would also teach how to interpret what is seen on social media e.g. "don't forget that this is just what the person wants you to see" and "just because this snapshot in time shows the person being happy, doesn't mean that they have a better life than you."

Be available to listen. When they're teenagers, talking in the car is often easier - they sometimes open up more if they don't need to look you in the eye. Try to avoid lecturing, but offer alternative ways of doing something / looking at something.

Good sleep.

Inadequate sleep is a major problem in children and young people, and poor sleep is known to be a factor in mental and physical health and achievement.

Winding down time before bed, ability to self-settle, bedtime at a reasonable hour, no electronic devices of any kind in bedrooms.