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Original poster

Can’t take it any more

13 replies

Showpony2 · 14/08/2018 00:21

My mother lives with us, and for various reasons, for the next next while she needs to. My children do love her and they get on with her, generally. The problem is that I think she is a complete narcissist and it’s properly starting to destroy me.

Since I was small, most good things that I did were not good enough, she has always been and continues to be very critical and judgmental, very nasty about anyone who she thinks has wronged her. She will put you down aggressively if she feels you have disrespected her. She always wants to be the centre of attention.She emotionally manipulates people, tells anyone who will listen how awful her life is, how everyone is bad, out to get her, how she has suffered etc. She has always been like this but now it’s getting worse. I am in my late 40s but she talks down to be and starts to insult me in front of my children. She corrects me constantly. When I say one thing she always tries to trump it and it shut me up/down. She thinks my current but very real relationship problems are all my fault, that I am in the wrong. She gaslights continuously, always has, makes me things I am mad with all the lies and manipulation. She’s a complete mind fuck. She thrives on drama -and everything is a drama!!

She believes that I should worship her as I owe her everything. One of her favourite sayings was that even when she is wrong she is right. Even to this day, in public, she will say “silence child” to shut me up, in front of others. When I push back and say you are no longer allowed to talk to me like this, and to constantly stop calling me a bitch and a piece of rubbish, she cries, strops out and pouts. Everyone asks why I upset her like this? What gets me is that my kids ask me why I have upset grandma? But i haven’t!! I hate this situation!! She lives in my house but trashes me at every opportunity and is slowly trying to take over.

Growing up I had little confidence and had crap security and anxiety issues. I am now starting to see where these came from from. Over the yesrs I worked on these, but now it’s all starting to unravel. What am I to do? I do not love her any more.

OP posts:
Takfujimoto · 14/08/2018 00:28

She needs to leave, honestly that's the only way things will get better for you.
She has already poisoned your children to start treating you as she does, it will get worse the longer she's around them.

Why does she in your opinion have to stay with you?

Do you have any other family that could take her?

Original poster
Showpony2 · 14/08/2018 08:54

Thanks, Takfujimoto. She’s planning to go back to her home country, and just needs to sort herself out. I told her one year and she must leave. There is no one else that would be willing take her. I am her only daughter and thinks I am obliged to take care of her. For the next year I just have to keep myself away from her and ensure she doesn’t start on my children. Can’t believe a mother would treat her child like this. But then again I don’t consider her as that to me anymore. She is beyond vile.

OP posts:
WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 14/08/2018 08:57

A year?! I was thinking a week would be too much. She sounds awful.

CloudCaptain · 14/08/2018 09:01

A year! Shock
Find her a temporary rental asap.

MrsMozart · 14/08/2018 09:14

A year?!

Bollox to that lass. Get her gone before she destroys you.

CiderwithBuda · 14/08/2018 09:19

A year! No way. She will not go then. You need to be tough. She thinks you are obliged to take care of her - you said it yourself. You need to calmly start pulling her on on the comments. Tell her if she says “silence child” one more time she goes immediately. Explain to your children that nobody should treat people as she does and you are not trying to upset her but you will be standing up for yourself. Walk away at the tears and pouting.

Singlenotsingle · 14/08/2018 09:28

A year??? You'll be a trembling wreck by then! She needs to go NOW! You'll end up with the DC treating you exactly the same! Tbh, my solution to most problems of this nature are to give them an ultimatum - "either you go, or I go". I did it with my horrible father (I left home at 18 and never saw him again ). And I did it with 3 husbands - the first was emotionally absent, the second was alcoholic, and the third was terminally selfish. All 3 DH's eventually left!

Your DC may be too young for this but do SOMETHING please! You're in your late 40s so she's only in her 60s, not old enough to need to be "cared for" - but don't leave it any longer. I bet she's got o intention of going!

Singlenotsingle · 14/08/2018 09:29

No intention

worstmotherintheworld · 14/08/2018 09:37

A year is a very long time, even a week is a long time to be together if you are not comfortable in her company. What happens if she doesn't sort herself out? I think you need to force her into taking action now so that you know what the definite plan is rather than giving her a year which seems to be a very long and vague timeframe.

MilkybarGrownup · 14/08/2018 09:40

You need to kick her out and tell her EXACTLY why. Blow the fuck up. Don't "woe is me" it up. Don't make it sound sad and about how it's making you feel. Make it all about how she is. SHE is rude. SHE is disrespectful. SHE is fucking obnoxious and terribly behaved. SHE is to blame for this.

She sees you as weak and pathetic. Someone to control. When you confront her make it about her because the second you mention you, it you being childish or emotional or ungrateful or whatever.

Don't look back or back down. She is having an effect of your kids too. That's the scary bit. She has conditioned them to make you look like the bad one. That you are the one hurting her. Keep the kids away. You owe her fuck all.

Original poster
Showpony2 · 14/08/2018 17:23

Thanks for your advice. All of you are right - I just have this need to push back now and stand up for myself. Having had recent relationship problems with my OH, and now this with her, I realise that I need to stand up for and protect myself. All your comments are on point. I have “respected” her all my life but this is of course not good enough.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 14/08/2018 17:26

Can you tell us about her financial situation? Can she afford to move out? How old are your children?

You have only a limited number of years on this earth and I don't think you should be spending one of them living with this woman!

Original poster
Showpony2 · 16/08/2018 04:23

Financially for her its not brilliant, but I think it’s no longer a reason any longer. And you are right- I can’t and I won’t sacrifice the next and last part of my life to her.

Blood is not thicker than water. And this cult of worshipping your parents, even when they are utter bitches, needs to stop.

OP posts:
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