I don’t really know what I want from posting this...maybe just somewhere to vent nd get it out of my system, maybe someone who identifies and can help me feel better...I don’t know.
Basically, I could just cry. I saw some pictures of myself today and I’m just so ugly. My face is just so wrong. It’s not at all symmetrical and my eyes are so small and my nose too big. I just hate it.
I feel shallow and superficial writing it as I know so many people have worse problems. I should be grateful that I’m healthy and fit. I try so hard to focus on the fact that my body can do amazing things, that it’s not about what I look like and that I have a good life... it works sometimes but mirrors and pictures are a constant reminder. I used to make an effort with hair, makeup and clothes but have gradually given up as really, it makes no difference.
I have a very handsome husband (not just my own opinion) and I just feel like one day he’s going to wake up and see me as I really am and realise he can do better. I have two beautiful children. My dd used to always tell me I was pretty when she was younger but lately I can see the way she looks at me and I know what she’s thinking.
I look around at people around me and just wish to be a plain, blend into the background person...anything other than me.
I can’t afford surgery, I’m not far, so losing weight wouldn’t make a difference. My confidence is just rock bottom and I feel like I just want to hide for the rest of my life.
Sorry for being such a whinge about something stupid. Just needed a vent.