My friend who is becoming a foster mom planning vacations

[huha]

I have a friend (who isn't in the UK) who recently went through training and approval to become a foster parent. She and her DH tried for many years to have a baby, it never happened, and she ended up sadly with a hysterectomy. They cannot afford to adopt. Friend posts her entire life story on social media. Yesterday she posted about 5 different vacations she has between September-December. She's still waiting for her first foster child. People commented about traveling with foster child and she clarified she has lots of friends and family who will babysit as she won't be taking child on vacations. Having little experience I am just wondering if she's in over her head? I have always been under the impression that fostering isn't always easy...or is it??

In the UK you can't transfer a child to friends and family, unless they are also approved foster carers. I'm not sure how it works where your friend is, but it may not be as easy as she thinks, especially for the child if they have had a traumatic past. On the other hand, nobody expects foster parents to go entirely without holidays and IME children that can't travel will often stay with other foster parents that are friends of their own foster family and therefore known to the children already.

If she is going on 5 holidays when exactly will the child be with her ? Doesn't sound like she has thought it through. Foster children generally go with you on holiday as they are part of the family. It doesn't auger well for a successful placement to be honest

P S no fostering is not always( if ever ) easy .

She's saying her parents were away all the time and look! She turned out just fine!!

Well, maybe she is fine but she hadn't had a disrupted and possibly abusive background before moving in with her parents.

She might find that social services (or whatever the agency is that deals with looked after children) will be reluctant to place children with her if they can't have a reasonably stable home.

She's not capable in my opinion and I've very little understanding of fostering - these children need support not crap parents .... again!

There are respite foster carers for this very scenario. Someone at my work is one.

I didn't think you could just leave your foster children with your friend for the day. At least not where I live!

The child might not come until after these vacation are over. They might be a way for her to fill the time while she is waiting. Her comments about leaving the child might not be absolutely serious. They might be a way to get people to back off with their intrusive questioning. If I were you, I would let her work it out together with SS and drop having opinions about it.

It's great if she's just having a lot of holidays while she can, but if she thinks that can continue once she's fostering, she really needs to think again.

Maybe she is just having her holidays while she can?

Her fostering career will be short lived if she continually goes away and needs respite. It is incredibly hard to.find respite carers and no social worker will want to faff about arranging it every five minutes.
I was going to say tell her to get a dog but make that a goldfish.

Oh but she won't be using respite because she has friends and family that will need to get approval as respite providers in order to be left alone with any child.

Ah but my saying anything has meant I've been told off for "mum shaming" because of course I hurt her feelings with my concern.

She doesn't sound ready for a foster child. Could she be exaggerating / boasting about the level of training and actually is not ready yet? Either way, she may be struggling in some way coming to terms with not having a child of her own and hasn't really got straight what she wants. As someone else said, probably best not to have an opinion on it and let her work it out.

Surely though this is for her to work out with her social worker and actually nothing to do with you? Whilst she probably won't be able to go on these holidays as she expects, she will find this out soon enough and will make choices accordingly. The tone of your posts about her here though is awful. Very critical since she's clearly been through a hard time. Leave her alone!!

I don’t know about hurting her feelings, but I wouldn’t want your judgemental busy-bodying if I were her and would want you to butt out.

I know someone who fosters (in UK) and the family take holidays several times a year. The foster child goes to another placement for the duration of the holiday. They did also take their foster child on a UK based activity holiday based on the interests of the child too so that they also had a holiday, but when the family go abroad SS arrange respite care for their foster child.

Hypothetically, if she did have a foster child and went on holiday leaving the child with friends / family, would the equivalent of social services in her country be informed?

And as already said a child cannot just stay with anyone but only one approved as a foster carer or family babysitter. It is not as simple as palming them off to anyone
Really the whole point of foster care is to give a child a settled home and stability afforded by those who prioritise the child's needs .

I don't about your country but in the UK you cannot just leave a foster child with anyone without prior approval for the SW. Indeed for overnights the people the child is being left with need to be assessed and approved. They can use respite care organised by SW but here there would be a very dim view taken of many holidays been taken if you have a child in placement. I would imagine it would be the same in most places. How can a vulnerable child settle into placement if the caregiver keeps swanning off?

Long term foster careers I know are able to take 2 holidays a year without the children, and the children have respite carers. They also have 2 holidays a year with the children.
Short term foster carers can work their holidays around the placements.
Foster caring is a very stressful job. And it is just that, a job. As with any job, you need time off to recharge your batteries.
However, your friend needs to be very clear that she cannot just swan off on weekends away or nights out, leaving the child with anyone. The child will have an allocated social worker who will be checking in constantly. Their school will be fully aware and be notifying the social worker should there be any concerns. She should not be going into this as a hobby!