Feeling tearful and a bit cast adrift despite a positive outcome.

[LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood]

I have posted on here a few times about DD1’s (now 17) battle with severe anorexia.

She has been very sick for nearly 2 years (hospitalised, tube fed, really really poorly).

She has been deemed to be in recovery for several months now and is doing very well. She has had very good quality treatment/ support and has been wholly committed to getting better.

All good. Today we saw her consultant paediatrician for a review and were discharged from the paediatric outpatient department. She will remain with CAMHS until she is 18 and will continue counselling 3 times per fortnight.

The discharge was anticipated and she is - thankfully - physically recovered. But I feel tearful and unsettled. And a bit anxious. I have now dropped DD to a friend’s house. All I want to do is curl under a blanket and have a good cry. But DD2 and DS are home so that’s not possible at the moment.

I knit we are very fortunate that she is getting better. But I feel very - well desolate really. I need someone to give my head a wobble!

I imagine it's a bit like the way you often get a cold when you first go on holiday - when the pressure is finally off your body/mind can start to step out of a state of constant vigilance and it's a very vulnerable time.

You've been under constant stress for so long, it'll take a while to adjust.

Hello, I'm sorry you and your family have had to go through this worrying ordeal. I can't offer any insight on your exact situation but my DC suffer with asthma and have had a few severe attack's. As mothers we go in to brave, supportive and strong mode for our children. I think what you're feeling today is relief and apprehension about the future. Now that you know your daughter is on the road to recovery you can eventually address how worried and frightened you have been all along, and had to bottle up for the sake of your family. I think you're awesome and maybe later in the shower, have a good cry and remind yourself that you're one rockstar mama!! All the best to you and your family xx

Can't wobble your head for you, because I think its perfectly reasonable to be in a bit of state about being discharged.

Of course you should be happy, but actually you are losing the support of being on the radar, and while this hopefully will form the closure point of all your DD's problems, there is a significant chance it wont, and even if it did, that wouldn't magically mean the last years of tremendous stress and anxiety didn't happen would it?

No - instead I give you permission to have a massive cry...and maybe even seek some support and help for yourself now that you have some room to breathe again....

Well actually the kind words turned out to be be what I needed. Maybe better than a wobble. I’m having a little weep in the car on the pretext of popping out to the local shops to get something for tea. DH works from home so I called him in to supervise lunch for the younger ones. He’s a bit bemused by my rushing straight out again. I’ve had to stop to reassure him that DD1 is fine. He is very supportive generally. But would not expect me to be so weepy over something like this. I’m generally seen an a bit of a “coper”.

Thank you for your kind words.

I think coping while its bad, then having a melt down when things are back from the brink is the pattern of the 'coper'. I'd just go for it. Crying is pretty awesome at reducing stress levels and cheering you up.

Just leave the mascara off for a few days....