My Fiancé’s Grandma is too involved nd overbearing

[HannahMichelle91]

Hi everyone!
This is my first post on here and I’m not entirely sure I’m doing this right but I would like some advice/ tips on how to deal with overwhelming family members... particularly my partners grandma. I’m currently 31 weeks pregnant with our first child (a little girl) and since we told her the news she’s just been so full on and so involved - even more so than my our own mums she’s bought everything you could think of (apart from the travel system) although I had to ask her politely not to buy a spare!
Some days I feel really bad when she turns up with bags with bags upon bags of stuff that I can’t bare to look at as we’ve asked her to stop buying as I’m having a baby shower at the end of the month and we’re rapidly running out of room because we’re also moving out of our 1 bed flat. I also don’t want to be ungrateful but then I feel so mad because I haven’t had chance to buy anything I wanted for my first baby and I’m soo excitied because it’s my first!
I really don’t know what to do because she turns up at the flat Willy-nilly when I’m trying to rest or clean. She imposes on mine and my partners days out and the few little shopping trips we’ve been on and the most annoying thing so far is she keeps rubbing my bump every 10 minutes in public and calling it my baby I don’t think I can cope with her anymore and really need some outside advice

Your DP needs to lay down boundaries as this isn't going to stop. What does his mum think, its her mother or MIL? There needs to be a kindly intervention now, as being charitable, she probably thinks she's helping. Or she could be naturally overbearing or controlling. Context is everything.

Buy what you like for your baby. If her gifts overlap ask her to return them. This is only really fair if she's been warned first.

Good luck, but you'll need to be firm.

Slap her hand away!

Hi thanks for your reply!
He’s not really close to his mum at all and she’s not bought the baby one thing, I like his dad and his partner who have bought things but asked first if we like it and if they can buy it.
We’ve both told her to stop but it goes in one ear and out the other I think she’s spending stupidly to cope with the death of her husband at the start of the year. But like I said it’s not just buying now it’s imposing. She even asked if she could drive me to hospital when I go into Labour

You have two options...you accept things gracefully and take it down to the charity shop or sell it and take the money for a savings account for your daughter, or the better in my opinion

You get your DP to lay down the law now. She's not to pop by unexpected, more than once a week (or year ) and anything she buys now, she will have to take back home with her.

For the delivery, you don't tell anyone you're in labour - in fact, don't tell her you've had the baby until you've had a chance to settle in.

Your DP is really going to have to step up!

Thank you!
I’d love for her to only pop round once a week or a year I might not even give her my new address when we move!
I think I’ll have to start looking at what she’s bought and exchange or sell it as she’s already opened a savings account for her! I promise I’m not an ungrateful person but it’s all summer sale tat and my main concern was making sure my baby girl is warm as she’ll be an autumn winter baby.

You don't have to open the door when people knock. You'll be getting to the point where you're resting or feeding the new baby, so may as well start now!

Just to let know - your user name has changed

Lock the door and don’t open it. If she had a key leave your key in the lock half turned and she can’t get in. Don’t tell her when you go into labour.

I live in a flat you see and it’s a buzzer that you have to press but if I don’t answer she will continue to buzz if she saw my car outside. She’d would even ring or text aswell (so I blocked her number)
I’ll be letting her know also that once the baby is born I don’t want any visitors without an appointment

Answer the buzzer and tell her that you are resting and can’t see her right now. Do it.

She is relying on your kindness, decency and politeness to be let in while being very inconsiderate herself. Stop her now by telling her you are not available.

Sounds as if you've inherited my grandmother!

Try to make her stick to a schedule when it's "ok" to call or visit. About the bags of stuff, the best thing is to accept and just pick whatever you want and leave the rest to charity or throw/give it away.

Can you silence your buzzer, we could in my old flat or just let her ring and put headphones in she’ll give up eventually. Also when she tries to rub your bump push her hands away and say ‘please stop touching me! I don’t want you to do that!’

It’s not her baby, she didn’t make it, grow it for 9 months and deliver it so you get to make the rules here

Thank you for all your comments and advice! I will definitely be taking at all on board and passing it on.
I just didn’t want to sound like a bitch

she’s already opened a savings account for her!

How can she have opened a bank account for a person who hasn't been born yet? That person doesn't yet exist so It's impossible to open an account.

When we opened an account for our DC we needed their birth certificates and all manner of proof of who we are. A random family member couldn't open an account for any of our DC even now as I need to supply proof of myself for that to happen.