Was this neglect?

[Specky12]

Is the seventies the following happened and reflecting now I wonder if it was just the norm:

Parents regularly drank drove with kids in the car. Not just tipsy but would pull up, throw up from drink and then get back in and drive. They drank to excess alot anyway.

Hardly any toys, perhaps a couple but never anything bought. Even birthdays and Christmas presents were scarce.

Despite the fact parents were not poor, they spent money on themselves but kids always had second hand clothes, never washed and ironed properly and always the scruffy kids in class.

House was messy and dirty.

No holidays, no days out.

Once the mother left five year old unsupervised in kitchen and they got burnt and needed a skin graft.

Father regularly hit kids around head with hand.

It was both neglectful and abusive. Did this happen to you?

Unfortunately not unusual for the 70s in my experience. Smacking was common as was taking kids to the pub to be left in the carpark although that level of drinking seems excessive. I never had new clothes or toys either.

I am not defending this shitty parenting but it wasn't as shocking then as it is now.

On the face of it the persistent drink driving and the physical chastisment would be sufficient to be taken into care. The failing to prioritise their children's needs over their own would need some prolonged observations to conclude if it's sufficiently neglectful so as to be harmful. But the kids would have been removed due to the drink and hitting before then.

Oh the skin graft story might have been followed up on with a few questions too. That might have helped reveal the rest.

What I struggle with, is that by today's standards I know it is wrong but I shouldn't judge by today's standards.

The hitting wasn't all the time, just when the kids played up. The father was disinterested in the kids and just saw them as something he let his wife have because she wanted them. He admits this.

I grew up in the 70's and i know no-one who had an upbringing like that. It certainly wasn't normal. I grew up in a council house with a SAHM and a tradesman dad and i had a lovely childhood despite not having a lot of money.

There were happy moments too, these are the worst parts. The happiest bits were playing out with friends and reading and playing with siblings. Mum loved art and did try to share that and encourage the kids there.

how Dirty? How messy? Hitting kids was legal oddly.

Dirty enough that friends would comment. As a teen i invited a friend over for lunch and they were shocked and wouldn't eat anything made in out kitchen...

The hitting was literally like a slap across the head, no punching or anything.

Had my three DC in the 70s and what you describe certainly wasn't typical. We couldn't afford a car till oldest was 8yo, when we bought one all wore seatbelts if they were fitted. It was considered bad parenting to drink and drive with kids in the car and to leave kids in the car while you were in the pub. Same as now.
There have always been good parents and neglectful parents, that hasn't changed.
The major difference I can see is that most parents had higher expectations of their DC and were stricter. Good parents wanted their kids to be happy, socially acceptable and well mannered.

Its too hard to compare if you havent lived it. Its the same as teachers being allowed to cane children at school. To me that is abuse and awful but it was allowed and normal practise. Only you know if it felt right or wrong it sounds to me like very selfish parenting with the addition of being unclean. I think neglect or abuse is being underfed not washed left alone for long periods not sent to school for education ect. Not justifying as I am no expert it sounds pretty shitty.

I've always thought it was a bit rubbish, I felt different growing up to my friends but only yesterday a conversation led to it being suggested it was more than just a bit rubbish and was neglect.