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Original poster

If you got married with no family there do you regret it?

21 replies

Menolly · 13/08/2018 03:25

DP and I are planning to get married.

My family are NC, long horrible story cut short, my parents are abusive dickheads, in and out of care, kept forgiving them but they started hitting baby sister (16 years younger than me) and I could see it all going the same way so I phoned SS, I'd already moved away, went to my hometown to see a friend and found out they told everyone I was dead, tried confronting my mum and she said 'who the fuck are you?' and walked away. Stupid thing is I still love them and it hurts, I did what I had to do and it was the right choice for little sister, but I work with kids, I see all these lovely family moments and I'm jealous, I want a mum and dad who love me and want to be there.

Am I going to regret it if I go ahead and get married without telling them?

DP and I have been living together 10 years, have a DD (9) and have been engaged 8 years, we've been putting it off because I hoped I'd reconcile with my family.

OP posts:

PoesyCherish · 13/08/2018 04:07

No advice but I'm in a similar sort of situation. Part of the reason DP and I keep putting off getting engaged is because of my dickhead abusive parents and my hope of reconciling (whilst deep down thinking I'm not even sure if I want to reconcile)

Hope someone comes along soon with some useful advice but wanted you to know you're not alone

Hoosey · 13/08/2018 04:32

Not at all! I wasn’t NC with my family but my parents have passed and we decided to just have a couple of our closest friends. We had a beautiful destination wedding and it was perfect. Do what is right for you, family aren’t what make a wedding.

moveoverhogger · 13/08/2018 04:45

No regrets here. My reasons were that both sets of parents hated their ex & we didn't want to deal with any drama on our day. So we went abroad with a couple of friends and had a great relaxing day.

NorfolkNellie · 13/08/2018 06:23

We both have difficult families and got married with just us and 2 random witnesses. Fantastic day and so glad we did it - no stress, just about us and went travelling for 2 months as our honeymoon and still cost a fraction of a big wedding.

Lottapianos · 13/08/2018 06:34

DP and I are considering getting married just the two of us. We have difficult relationships with our families and really don't want a fuss. Like you OP, I worry that I would regret it but the positives may well outweigh the negatives

ItsClemFandangoCanYouHearMe · 13/08/2018 06:42

I'm sorry you've had to go through this OP

Totally different situation but I was NC with my mum when I got married and did it just me and my DH, no one else. The thought of marriage was always terrifying for me as I knew my mother would make it difficult. The way we did it was perfect and we have no regrets.

Come the after party a month later, we had built bridges and I invited her. She wasn't awfully behaved but she ruffled a few feathers and it caused a lot of tension and we wished we'd never gone ahead with the party.

That being said, I'm still in contact with her but very much on my terms.

Hindsight is 20:20 and I would never have invited her knowing what I know now, and IMO, nor should you. It's yours and your new DHs day, do not let them ruin that for you.

I hope you have a lovely day with the people that really matter.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 13/08/2018 06:48

Not at all. I can’t think of anything worse than being stuffed into a stupid dress that I hate and have everyone staring at me all day.

IllHaveALargeGlassOfRed · 13/08/2018 06:55

The only family at my wedding was my 3 year old son! Absolutely no regrets. It wasn't that we hated our families more that we just didn't want a big wedding. It was mostly down to me and my hatred of my step mum who would have taken over and made me invite all the aunties etc. I just couldn't face it so I persuaded my now DH to elope to Gretna. He didn't take much persuading!

TurquoiseButterfly19 · 13/08/2018 08:01

No regrets! We got along with our fsmily but we didnt want a wedding and waste money on them. We got wed in Gretna Green and that was that.

387I2 · 13/08/2018 08:10

No, I haven't regretted it.

It'll be lovely for your DD to actually be old enough to remember your wedding. I'm sorry to hear about your parents but they will probably not change, stuck in their ways.

CloudCaptain · 13/08/2018 08:14

I did have a wedding with all my family there and wish we had eloped to Vegas like we had joked about. We don't even have any particular problems with our family but even then, dm wanted all the attention on her, despite the fact I hadn't spent much time with her for 10yrs and pil kicked off about menu choices and wanted to invite their friends.
I think, judging from your past, you would regret it even more if you did invite them.
It sounds like you need to grieve the relationship you wish you had and should have had. Have you considered counselling? We all have mixed feelings for our parents, it's whether they deserve the guilt/angst/hope/etc...
Good luck.

mydogishot · 13/08/2018 08:33

Nope.
Six people at my wedding, including registrar and their assistant.

Weddings are about b&g not anyone else.

It was fab and perfect.

Original poster

Menolly · 13/08/2018 19:31

thank you all, this makes me feel a lot better about it. I was just having a bit of a wobble.

OP posts:

paddler78 · 13/08/2018 19:49

We eloped to Vegas (no family issues just didn't want a fuss) and don't regret a single moment - it was just us , the vicar and the photographer (who was also the witness) and it was totally stress free

Exexexcel · 13/08/2018 19:53

I had a tiny wedding. Did invite mum and stepdad but not my bio dad. I didn't tell him about the wedding at all until afterwards No regrets here!

fourplusonemore · 13/08/2018 19:53

Not in the slightest. We had our day. Didn't even have our kids there as we got married abroad after many years of plans falling through. The only things I regret are not having our DC's there and not having a dress or photos to hand down to them. That's it.

Chipsahoy · 13/08/2018 20:00

No regrets. Just me, Dh, lady who married us and the gardener as witness and to take photos (married abroad outside a pretty hotel by the lake).
It was amazing. Just a whole day of us. No regrets.

mygrandchildrenrock · 13/08/2018 20:04

We celebrate our silver wedding anniversary tomorrow and the only family at our wedding were our 4 children.
No regrets at all, even though later on my father and I reconciled and remained so until he died last year.

mistermagpie · 13/08/2018 20:10

I have never regretted it, not even for a second. My DH has family there but I didn't invite a single member of mine because we are NC. I've since had two kids that they don't know about too and never regretted not telling them.

Funnily enough my wedding hairdresser had been NC with her family for a decade and she was actually a weirdly big support on the day.

KateGrey · 13/08/2018 20:11

We had a small wedding with my parents and two friends. I don’t regret it. Our wedding was cheap and it bothers my mum a lot more than me. I don’t look at the photos and I’m glad we didn’t waste loads of money on it. Small worked for me. I don’t regret it at all.

Cleanerswin · 13/08/2018 20:32

No! I regret a lot of things about my marriage but never having just us and 2 witnesses at the wedding.

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