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Feeling a bit sad

15 replies

2by4 · 13/08/2018 00:48

Not sure if this should be here or in the parenting forums but hey ho. DH thinks we can't afford a third kid, because I would be prolonging my return to work and prolonging building a career. Collectively we earn £70k live in London (not inner London), have family help, run one car, mortgage under £1k a month so in a very lucky position and I am so grateful.

His chain of thought is basically he needs to save for two weddings and two degrees, (this is assuming both kids will want to marry and go to university), save for his pension, and save for any improvement works to the house if we choose to do them. And if we have a third then we have to change car to a 7 seater (?) And I won't be helping much because I'm on the lower end of the pay scale (he's the higher earner).

We live in one of the cheapest boroughs in Greater London, so not quite on par with the high cost of living in the capital. And while I appreciate his concerns I feel like he is predetermining a lot of things which may not even happen. The kids are both under 3 years old so all of this is way way off into the future. We might not have a Tory government, we might not have high uni fees, or I might end up getting a good job?!

I just feel like he's being safe but a bit too safe. He's not been the best with saving or money managing either so that's a factor and I think that's affecting what I think of his reasoning. Also I'm not one to worry about saving for weddings or education as both scenarios are too far away and are "what ifs". Does anyone else plan that far ahead?

I guess I'm just looking for some advice on how everyone else manages on a similar set up and similar salary? How many kids are affordable in a situation like your own, and am I just being too optimistic?

OP posts:
Happyshinypeople · 13/08/2018 01:05

To me it just sounds like he doesn't really want a third child. If you really want one you find a way to make it work financially. Agree with you that there are a few big 'ifs' in there.

2by4 · 13/08/2018 01:16

That's the gist I'm getting too @Happyshinypeople

I just feel as if it is doable but there's got to be a plan for it. Just seems like he's not 100% backing the idea of anymore kids. Genuinely upset that my current baby will probably be my last.

OP posts:
KathfromSalesandMarketing · 13/08/2018 01:19

You have two very young children - why are you desperate for a third? Respect your DH's wishes and enjoy the two kids you have.

Interested in this thread?

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2by4 · 13/08/2018 01:26

@KathfromSalesandMarketing because I've always wanted 3 kids? Is that a crime? Not everyone hates children.

OP posts:
2by4 · 13/08/2018 09:29

Bumping for the morning.

OP posts:
KathfromSalesandMarketing · 13/08/2018 09:53

So anyone who wants less than 3 kids hates children? You daft apath.

StoorieHoose · 13/08/2018 09:56

Surely he has a say in having another child? He clearly doesn’t want one and he trying to save your feels with coming out with the saving for 2 weddings excuse

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 13/08/2018 09:56

Not everyone hates children

What an utterly stupid comment, can’t be bothered to reply to your actual question after that idiocy

rosamore · 13/08/2018 09:57

Are you prepared for the possibility of multiples if you tried for a third?

I say that to everyone now after the birth of my twins (much more overwhelming whilst also having older children than I could have imagined).

I agree that saving for weddings and education is nice but it's really not a necessity. It's not the norm for parents to provide these things anymore (if it ever really was in recent times).

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/08/2018 10:59

We might not have a Tory government, we might not have high uni fees, or I might end up getting a good job?!

I wouldn't bank on things being better OP. Your DH can only go off how things are now really.

It's a hard one I know where one wants a baby and the other doesn't. But forcing him into one isn't a good idea OP. Hope you can resolve this situation.

2by4 · 13/08/2018 11:09

@KathfromSalesandMarketing give over did I explicitly say everyone with less than 3 kids hates children? You said I was desperate for a third and made an assumption about me - no I'm mourning the loss of any future child I can have and asked what everyone's salaries-kids ratio is. If you don't have anything constructive to say then don't bother commenting on this thread and stop taking my comments personally as if I have made them about your life. I haven't.

OP posts:
KathfromSalesandMarketing · 13/08/2018 15:22

@MNHQ have you really deleted my post because I suggested OP might be daft?

OP - as your DC are alive, you have nothing to mourn.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/08/2018 15:25

I saw your deleted post Kath. Surely it's a mistake. I hope so anyway.

KathfromSalesandMarketing · 13/08/2018 18:22

Thanks, Great Duck

dingdongdigeridoo · 13/08/2018 18:30

How many kids did you plan to have when you got married? If he’d always indicated he wanted three children and has suddenly cut it down to two, then I’m sure that’s upsetting. But if you’d always agreed on two then he has a point and obviously isn’t interested in another.

The leap from two to three is a big one for many people.

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