What to expect from a "birth debrief"?

[sar302]

I wonder if anyone has had one and can share? I'm due mine tomorrow.

I'm 8 months pp and only just feel ready to face it. Labour and birth was traumatic and has left me with potentially life changing injuries which I'm still being treated for.

My physio suggested the birth debrief as a way to help with my feelings around the birth, but I'm just so angry still. I don't know what to say or how to say it.

If anyone has some suggestions I would be glad to hear them. I have written down a list of injuries I sustained and how they're affecting me, but not sure what else.

I had mine when DS was around 5 months old. The midwife (?) that conducted it was very informative, patient, answered any questions me and DH had and made me feel comfortable while there. I felt much better directly afterwards and for a couple of days after but then I went back to just how I felt before. I had CBT not long afterwards and was diagnosed with PTSD from my traumatic ‘birth.’
Personally I don’t think it was of any help at all unfortunately.
I hope it’s more beneficial for you.

Hi @sar302

I had a birth debrief with the consultant when my DD was around 6 months. I had a massive haemorrhage, placenta didn't detach, then uterus didn't contract, rushed to theatre etc.

Anyway, consultant was super helpful. Basically read through all of my notes, explaining what happened at each stage. I went in feeling traumatised, like if I had another child it would all be the same again, but I was completely put at ease. Hearing how things played out from a medical point of view seemed to help me as allowed me to understand that I wasn't in as much danger as I had built up in my head (I thought I'd been in theatre for two hours but was actually only in for fifty mins etc.). Obviously that is not necessarily applicable to your situation, but they were every understanding. The meeting ended with the consultant telling me to ring his secretary directly if I'd like to speak to him again, if we decide to try again for no. 2, so my husband could come along too (he was unable to attend).

I just made sure I had a list of questions and a pen and paper to make some notes.

Hope it goes well for you.

Write the questions you want answered down.
Bullet point them.
Try and consolidate what you want to ask into 4 or 5 points.
Be direct, fgs ask for clarification if you don’t understand something.

I’ve had two debriefs. Both very helpful and both allowed mental scars to heal. Both are enabling me to make plans about next time.

They’re worth it, and they’re standard practise in many parts of the world.

Mine was at 3mos, with the consultant, no midwives present. It was essentially an arse covering exercise by the PCT, and he told me that my baby (brain-damaged) was lucky because he was also seeing a family whose baby's neck had been broken during a forceps delivery. I think I was supposed to feel relieved that my baby was only brain-damaged.
The baby is almost 15 and the medical negligence case is still ongoing.

I had mine with a midwife a couple of months ago, about a year after DS was born. He was premature and had a month long stay at hospital and I was diagnosed with PTSD.
The midwife was lovely, went through my notes, answered my questions, reassured me and ended up crying with me (she'd had a premature baby too) which was fine, it felt like she really understood and empathised with what I was feeling. I'm glad I did it

I had one when dc1 was a year old and found it very helpful. The midwife asked me what happened and then explained from my notes what was going on medically at each point and why they made the decisions they did. It helped just to have my feelings acknowledged and she admitted they had made mistakes and apologised for them which really helped. Afterwards I thought of a few things I would have liked to ask though so I agree with those recommending you to write a list of questions. Good luck, I hope it helps you

I had one when my dd was 4 months after a traumatic delivery and subsequent PTSD. The midwife had my notes and answered all my questions and gave me all the time I needed. I asked if I could go into a delivery room and see some forceps and she organised it for me there and then. Agree with PP about writing a list of questions and taking it in. It'll help you make sure you get everything out of your debrief that you can. I hope it's useful for you.

Thank you for your replies. I've made a list of questions and asked my husband what he would want to know. Ended up with us deciding he would probably benefit from coming too. He had more questions than I thought he would. MIL having the baby while we go.

Already had a sob thinking about it. Hope I won't make an arse out of myself tomorrow, and that I get some answers!

Thank you x

They try to get you not to take legal action. In my case the midwife had left the country and they told me left the profession. I am not sure I believed them and apparently in her absence they could not take any action or report her.

To be fair she was reading holiday brochures when we tried to get help as I was giving birth, she told my husband I couldn’t possibly be giving birth as I wasn’t in labour as I was only admitted for observation with a prolapse.

She did make it into the room for the birth less than 15 minutes later when she lied to me that the baby was in distress and so I had to lie still on a bed and could not labour on beanbag as I had with my other children. She later denied saying this despite there being 4 witnesses in the room. She also removed my baby after birth and wouldn’t give him to me but was passing him round my family until I shouted to give me my baby now! There were 3 family members in the room as I really was giving birth in a hospital with no medical attention and they were running in and out trying to find someone to help.

20 years later I had to face major surgery as a result of their negligence.

I went along with my husband today and we went through the notes.

I definitely felt better (in a slightly twisted way!) that in black and white my birth was as hard as I'd remembered it. I'd started to convince myself that maybe I was just a wimp.

When I questioned why I hadn't been given a c section despite asking for one three times (as this would have meant no episiotomy, forceps, infection etc. and none of my injuries) I was initially told that it was basically my fault for not having protested vociferously enough! And I could have just refused the interventions and they would have given me the section. Strangely neither me nor my husband remember that being offered, or even our requests being taken seriously, and we were basically fobbed of until it was too late.

When I told her I wasn't bloody having that! It quickly changed to "there must have been a miscommunication" and they were "very sorry." "In my case, they had got it wrong". I was pleased to hear that.

However I had to also agree with her that unfortunately I was a statistical anomaly (yay me 🙄) and basically a worse case scenario, which they hadn't assumed I would be and would have been hard to predict.

I don't know whether I feel any better. I do feel validated at least, but that doesn't resolve the injuries! They have also agreed (allegedly) to a multidisciplinary approach with guaranteed c section and pre-conception planning, if I want to have another baby. At this stage I can't see that ever happening to be honest. Also I could have CBT for PTSD if I wanted.

Anyway, thank you for your responses, and sorry we have to deal with this shit to have our gorgeous babies xx