Needing a kick up the arse

[Lostgirl1987]

I'm not sure this is the right 'subject' to be posting in? Here goes .....

I'm 46, single parent, rent my house, work almost full time. Basically, to sum it up, I feel like life is leaving me behind. I feel envious of nearly all my friends, which isn't a nice quality to possess. I'm peri menopausal which in itself is making me feel a bit all over the place. That's a whole other thread lol. I have debts like most folk. A loan and two credit cards. I don't get tax credits, often find myself living off my creditors at the end of the month. I feel I don't live frivolously. Haven't had a holiday in 12 years. Basically live month to month. Yes I have little 'luxuries' like Sky tv, I have a nice mobile phone, so in reality yes I could cut back on those but then day to day life would be even more dull! I work really hard and argue with myself that surely I'm allowed some luxuries, albeit small ones?

Most of my friends, whom I jokingly call 'the smug marrieds' (they know this it's all harmless!), they have two incomes, most of them nearly paid of their mortgage, brand new cars every few years, have two or three foreign holidays a year. Whereas I scrimp and save and buy bargain everything they are the ones shopping bespoke, everything quality etc.

I feel my lust for life dwindling daily lol. I know I should get up and go for a walk for example, but I'm that tired after a 12/13/14 hour working day, I can't be bothered! I know this isn't an excuse! My son is 15, he's more and more independent by the day, doesn't need me as much, but still feel like I don't 'matter' enough to anyone to push myself, take better care or myself. Does all this rambling make sense?

Like the title says, I need a kick up the arse! I'm blessed in so many ways, I KNOW THAT, and I'm grateful. It's just the whole 'grass is greener' scenario. Looking at my friends spending their two large incomes and I'm scratching around trying to make ends meet. I don't want a man by the way, I'm more than happy in my own it's just the logistics are that on one income how can you 'keep up'?

Thanks for reading my ramblings!!!

I think if you scratch under the surface of your friends' lives you'll probably find that things are very different to what you think they are.

DH and I are 'smug marrieds'. By several twists of fate we are mortgage free and DH is quite a big earner. Coupled with my salary, we have a lot of money coming in each month. Nobody actually knows this as we live in a fairly average house and drive fairly average cars. We do have a decent holiday every year or so and shop in Waitrose quite a bit but the rest of the time I buy a lot of things in charity shops and from eBay - a legacy from my student and single days!

In your shoes, I'd stop making assumptions about other people and focus on yourself. What would make you feel happier, becoming debt free, getting on the housing ladder, changing your job?

Comparison is the thief of joy....

Thanks for replying stressedoutpa. I say smug marrieds in jest, please know that. My friends have various jokey names for me as a single person lol!

I think what I'm getting at is, I DO compare myself to them, I can't help it. But everything you suggest, becoming debt free, getting on the property ladder etc, I can't do on my own in my situation. I recently went for advice to see if I could get a mortgage as lots of new properties near me coming up on the shared ownership scheme. Perfect for me. But even a big standard tiny two bed house is beyond my means. The mortgage advisor told me I'd still need to find around £5k as a deposit and even then what I could borrow isn't enough. So basically I'm saying that no matter how hard I try I can't seem to better myself. I love my job by the way and I've done it 22 years I wouldn't want to leave it. X

Don't worry, I was Bridget Jones before I was married - seriously!!!

Nothing good comes from comparing yourself to other people. Plenty of people around us (friends and family) who live in bigger houses, have better careers and seemingly a better social life/more friends but I just don't focus on any of that stuff. I have a great relationship with DH and I remind myself daily how lucky we are.

It's all about priorities too. The majority of people would change their job/go for promotion to get on the property ladder but you're saying you'd prefer to stay where you are job wise.

It sounds like you are in a bit of a rut tbh. 22 years in the same job is a bloody long time!

My job is a profession so worked really hard to get where I am. It's the one thing in my life I'm satisfied with haha. X