Am I overreacting that he went for lunch with her?

[NowWhatUsernameShallIHave]

NCd

Long story short

I have had a medical condition my whole life which I am only realising now has had a major impact on my mental state.
Four years ago I was diagnosed with cancer nothing to do with first and it has put e close to the edge

My DH and I are either constantly arguing or not talking and it has become worse over the past year. I am depressed. I have had a mental assessment but my actual appointment isn’t until November

Anything physical he’s very supportive, anything mental he becomes cold and reacts totally differently.

We are at a point where some days we don’t even talk.

There have been a few times when I’ve mentioned meeting up for lunch, never happens but always comes from me.

He has a female colleague who was diagnosed with cancer a year after me that he used to manage. She still works there with a different team.

Please don’t judge I went through his phone. YesI know that was unreasonable on my part.

He has stayed in contact with her which I’m aware of but recently he met her for lunch.
Her message was that thanks for lunch and she’s so glad that someone understands what she is going through and that hopes NowWhat is feeling better etc

I am super hurt tide various reasons

1. He didn’t tell me he was meeting her but I don’t think there’s anything romantic, but then can’t meet me for lunch.
2. He’s telling her probably somethings that are personal to me. If he’s purely talking about his feelings as a partner fine but I doubt it.
3. My main thing is this though. If he was meeting her and she was the partner of someone going through cancer and he was sympathising, fine. But he is probably talking to her like he understands when all the while at home it’s a totally different story.

I am so upset.

I can’t even say anything because he would know I went through his phone.

Maybe he was trying to get another perspective on the health issue, OP? From another sufferer?

I can see both sides of the lunch thing tbh, why you would be upset that he would make the effort to meet someone else for lunch and not you, but on the other hand if all you do is argue then he probably doesn't want that kicking off in the middle of his workday.

What happened at your assessment OP, did they give you any advice? Sorry you have to wait so long for your appointment.

Thanks for reply

I don’t have a problem with him meeting her but I feel he is opening up to her and saying things to her as if he understands what I am going through and that he is sympathetic. It’s the fact that she is in the same situation as me and not him and he can sympathise with her. I’m not sure if it was the other way round he wouldn’t see how I do as well

I have suggested several times counselling for the two of us to understand each other’s perspective but according to him he doesn’t believe in counselling (like it some kind of religion!)

It was literally an assessment and at the end she referred me to the psychiatrist which is what I’m waiting for.

Also if it was a man I would also think the same

It sounds as though he is offering her the emotional support that he should be giving to you.
Do you feel he has let you down? I would.

I do. If I was getting the support then I wouldn’t be so upset

I don’t begrudge him offering a shoulder to anyone. But if he doesn’t want to / can’t understand at home that’s what makes me frustrated

Bump

I would be very hurt too.

You should probably report your OP to MNHQ and ask for it to be moved to Relationships, you’ll get more responses and hopefully some good support/advice.