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Should I cut ties?

2 replies

cookiemonster18 · 03/08/2018 06:49

My DS And I see my dad weekly. My mum passed away a few years before DS was born and therefore have course wanted my son to have a good relationship with my dad. My dad also makes lots of effort to see us and has helped me in the past with money and getting straight.
I do however have a serious problem with the way my dad behaviours towards me and I don’t know if my feelings are justified or not.
Whenever I see him he chats away to DS but for some reason constantly tells him I’m a mean mummy, yesterday DS smiled at him and he said something like “ah you won’t smile at that mummy as she’s mean but you’ll smile at me”
Another example is if he’s crying (when changing him in this case) he’ll just say “what is that mummy doing to you?!” Or “she’s a mean mummy” which I just find hurtful.
If I tell dad that DS is tired and due a nap he typically replies with a “no he’s not tired” yesterday he continued playing with him “what does that mummy know?!” I don’t find that helpful?!
I don’t know why he constantly puts me down to DS but I’m starting to wonder if this is a form of emotional abuse? My mum used to say the same but I never really understood.
Another thing is taking the buggy and hiding DS from me as a joke - now I know that DS is absolutely fine but I just find things like that strange.
I’ve confronted him in the past about his hurtful comments but he has a way of turning it back to me as if I’m sensitive, he has a hard time saying sorry genuinely. I don’t enjoy his company anymore and quite frankly (which I know is awful) don’t want to see him anymore but it’s more about DS. I know he won’t remember being told I’m mean and horrible but surely this isn’t “normal” behaviour Confused
I don’t know if anyone has been in a similar position and could offer any advice or suggestions on how to deal?! This is not just a one off, every time I see him he tells DS I’m mean and horrible and belittles me.

I’m a sensitive person and do wonder if Im being unreasonable?

OP posts:
stressedoutpa · 03/08/2018 06:55

No, it's not right. My Dad teased me as a child and whenever I cried he told me not to be so sensitive. I'd say it had a lasting effect on my confidence.

I'd have another go at sitting him down and telling him it needs to stop. Not sure if it would have any effect as habits are often ingrained, however, if you say you are fed up with the comments and will stop seeing him if they continue it may help. In his mind, he thinks it's funny but I agree it's very hurtful.

happybunnymummy · 03/08/2018 08:17

It's not right that he's choosing to behave in such a negative way.
I'd be tempted to give him one last try after a serious talking to. Tell him to stop being so disrespectful and start behaving properly or else you will be forced to stop contact. Lay it on the line and tell him he's crossed the line and you will not stand for it.

Don't be affraid to cut contact with people who think it's ok to belittle and treat you like that just because they are family. Ask yourself if you'd let a friend treat you like that? If the answer is no then you know what to do.

You can handle this! Stand up for you and stand up for your child as well.

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