fish

[Imawurzel]

Two fish in a bowl, one says to the other, how d'ya drive this thing??

I like this one and it is ok for me to use it cos I am actually deaf....

What do you call a deaf person?

Anything you like, they can't hear you!

Love it!

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef

A deer with no eyes? No idea

a fly with no wings?

a walk

A deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea!

A fly with no wings and no legs?
A raisin!

what do you get hanging in lemon trees?
sore arms

Okay, you (well, whomovedmychocolate and RubberDuck) asked for it.

A rich businessman is sitting in his chauffeur driven limo, when it stops at traffic lights. To his surprise, there's a knock at the window. He lowers the window, and there's a homeless man stood there who says 'spare some change, guv?'

Rather sanctimoniously, the businessman quotes 'Neither a borrower nor a lender be. Shakespeare.' Closes the window.

The lights change, the limo moves off, only to stop at the next set of lights. There's a knock at the window, and he looks out to see the same man, out of breath, obviously having run to catch up with them. He lowers the window again.

The man leans in and says:

'Cunt. DH Lawrence.'

Now I DO hope I'm not in trouble for the c-word, but clearing use in advance with you all, or **ing it out would have spoiled the punchline.

ROFL!!! Tea just came out my nose!

PMSL ... love it Was definitely worth the wait.

What do you call a sheep with no legs??

a cloud.