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Original poster

Move house before or after birth?

14 replies

Morpheus78 · 24/07/2018 17:48

Having a dilemma! I'm 15 weeks pregnant (it was a happy surprise) and now concerned our tiny one bed flat in central London is going to be too pokey / claustrophobic with a baby. It's our first though and we really have no idea. The problem about moving is that we'd have to completely relocate as we cant afford anywhere bigger in London (even on the outskirts - it's SO crazy expensive!) Our friends are all here and family is reasonably close too. What would you do? Wait until the baby is bigger or move before the birth (which seems so soon!) We like the idea of moving to Hastings by the seaside but it's double the distance from family (2.5 hour drive). Would we regret that? Also, me and my partner both work from home so that is also driving my concerns about space (we have a very small double bedroom and a living room with kitchenette plus a bathroom)

OP posts:

atomicfission · 02/08/2018 20:57

Hey, congratulations!

We live in a similar set-up. Decided not to move until the baby needed their own room (which is recommended to be not before 6 months). "Baby" recently turned 2 and we're still here! It works fine. (Not ideal but fine.) Assuming one of you will be working while the other is on parental leave, I'd strongly recommend looking into renting an office space because it's hard to work (or do anything) while you have a baby in the flat. But honestly, if you're not sure yet, I think it would be good to wait and see how it goes before moving.

The only argument I'd say against that is that you meet lots of people when you have a baby (through groups and classes), so if you're going to have to move in the next couple of years you might prefer to do it ore-baby. But then you also meet people through nursery/school etc, so the end result is the same.

Oh also, central London is an awesome place to have a baby/toddler. There's so much going on - so many activities on your door-step.

Original poster

Morpheus78 · 03/08/2018 10:05

Hey thanks for the insight, that's really helpful. Good to hear you're surviving in a London one-bed. It really is our preference to stay here, near friends and family, while the baby's small. And yes, I imagine there's loads of fun stuff to do as a parent in the city! Thanks and good luck with your move (if you ever make it!)

OP posts:

InNeedOfALieInNow · 03/08/2018 10:16

I’d move. We moved when I was 7 months pregnant from a big two bed mansion block flat that felt impractical (about twenty steps at the front to get into the communal hall) for a pushchair and we had no private outdoor space. I was so glad we did it - it meant I got to do antenatal in the New area and therefore meet mums (rather than staying out for a short time and then moving away from the mum friends I’d made), and the extra space and the garden were a godsend with a new baby

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leighdinglady · 03/08/2018 10:18

Pre baby! You honestly won't have time after. Plus from a financial point of view it's harder to get a mortgage if you're on maternity pay rather than a full salary.

Eatmycheese · 03/08/2018 10:19

Before. Not after.
Here speaks the bitter voice of experience.

atomicfission · 04/08/2018 22:21

Morpheus ha ha thanks, still saving so I think little one will be 3 before we upsize 😱 Happy with our decision though. It works, just!

Eatmycheese do you mind me asking why?

happymummy12345 · 04/08/2018 22:27

Before. We moved halfway across the country when I was 2 months from my due date. It was much easier.

Helpmemyhairisterrible · 04/08/2018 22:30

We've just done it five days before the birth of DC2. It was fine! Going into hospital for basically two weeks meant I missed the worst of the moving hell and the house was more or less sorted when I got home. DH was shattered though...

Passingwords · 04/08/2018 22:34

Before, get settled before you have your family, congratulations

skankingpiglet · 04/08/2018 22:36

Another vote for before. Much easier to build a new network of friends when off on Mat leave than once you've returned to work.

pastabest · 04/08/2018 22:39

Before

100% before

Not even a dilemma if you want to move. It won't happen easily post baby

Original poster

Morpheus78 · 06/08/2018 10:38

Wow thanks folks, lots of votes for before from the looks of it! We'd be moving further away from friends and family though - does that affect things? happymummy12345 , Helpmemyhairisterrible and others who've moved before baby - was that to a place where you had an existing network or did you start from scratch? (as we would be)

Ideally, I can see how it would be easier to move with a bump than a baby, but I'm really scared of being isolated in a new place with no network when the baby's born...

OP posts:

skankingpiglet · 06/08/2018 19:47

You will have to move eventually, so better to do it when you have more time (and arms! Not having to hold a baby/contain a toddler) to pack etc and then free time during mat leave to build a new support network. It's certainly been my experience that you'll see less of your current support network, but that will happen whenever you move. If you move once you've had the DC and are back at work you still won't see existing friends often and equally won't have the time to make new ones. Moving in the toddler years has the potential to be a bit lonely and would almost certainly see you having to haul yourselves (and all the crap small people seem to need) back most weekends to have a social life.

We moved to a new area (about 30mins drive away) 4yrs before we had DCs. In that time we made absolutely no friends here as we worked long hours and there were few opportunities to get to know people unless you dared brave lowcul parb fur lowcul peepurll . We spent our free time often commuting back to see friends, as they seem to view the distance as much further than it is so rarely make the trip to us, but this didn't feel much of a bind as we had time for it.
Once DC1 arrived I put a lot of effort into going to baby groups and trying to meet others at the same life stage (existing friends didn't have DCs then). I now run our village playgroup with a few other local mums too, since having DC2. Spending mat leave in the new(er) area has allowed me to make a number of different friends, but it's taken a lot of time and leg work. There is no way I could have done it once back working.
I now see my local friends more than my original ones, although back to driving over there loads too as they're now off with their PFBs. I know I can ask the local mums for favours and vice versa, and I now have local friends I can pop out for a drink with in the evening without having to kip on a sofa/pay for an extortionate taxi home. DH is also finally beginning to make village friends through mine, but after 8yrs still hasn't managed to make any independently as he hasn't had any time to devote to it.

atomicfission · 07/08/2018 21:14

I'm really scared of being isolated in a new place with no network when the baby's born...

It's never easier to make a network than when you've got a baby in tow - at least in terms of new acquaintances that you can share stuff with. You'll meet loads of people through groups etc, if you put yourself out there. Everyone is equally keen to make new "baby friends" even if they've been living in the area for ages.
On the other hand, I found having my mother (or someone close that would literally do anything to help through the difficult times) invaluable - that's a different level of network.

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