Changing autistic sons school, to another town

[Jerry184]

Hello everyone, this is my first time posting.

Need a bit of advice, I live with my boyfriend and 13 year old son. My son is on the autistic spectrum, but is in year 8 of a mainstream school. My boyfriend is from a town around half an hour drive away and moved in with me in the town I'm from. We met when my son was 10.

He has two children who live in his town and every weekend we drive and they stay with us, it's not a problem.

Last night my boyfriend asked if I'd relocate to where he's from. In a heartbeat I said I would, I drive, so for me it isn't a problem.

The problem lies with changing my sons school, we broached the subject with him last night and before I even finished speaking my son said "no, no, no, I'd miss my few friends and I'd be really shy at a new school".

Given he's autistic, he only does have a few friends at school at most. He's about to go into year 9 after the summer holidays and this is when his options start.

What I'm really looking for is advice, I've been in tears over this as I feel as if I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. It would break my heart into a million pieces if I changed my sons school and he suffered because he couldn't deal with the change. It'd be a new town where he knew no kids.

😔

I think I'd wait OP. It's a lot to ask of any 13 year old....let alone a child on the spectrum. A child without any diagnoses would struggle changing schools at 13!

In 3 or 4 years you can think again when everything changes anyway.

Thankyou for your reply.

I have one friend telling me to go for it and another telling me what you've said. My child would turn inside out at the thought of changing schools as he's said.

My partner wants to move back over that way to be closer to his children, which is understandable. But I have my own child to think about.

It's quite a hard one.

So your partner made the decision to move to you, 3 years ago and now he wants to change it all?

It's bad timing. He should have thought about it more before he did it.

The other solution is that you move with your partner but keep DS at his school and drive him half an hour to school and back each day.

It's not ideal but many people do it. Or that you move halfway between where you are now and where your partner is from so the drive to his children and your son's school is only 15 minutes.

I think your son's needs need to come first in this scenario.

Would you still be in the same Local Authority area for funding any help your son needed at his current school?

You need to explore your boyfriend's reasons for the proposed move, especially to be closer to his children What would that actually mean in terms of your lifestyle?
e.g. does he want them to live with you 50-50? How would that affect your son, especially at this stage in his education?

Even if you keep your son in the same school, he may severely struggle with a new home and different family arrangements.
Right now, he has school in the week and your boyfriend's kids in his home every weekend. That's quite an easy adjustment.
But you're expecting him to live in a new home, (what if he doesn't like it?) then expecting him to travel to and from school so his daily routines are shot, then changing your whole family life to have your boyfriend's children with you a lot more during the week.

Make a big list of advantages and disadvantages of you moving to boyfriend's town or halfway between the two - him not driving doesn't help at all for a start.

We both drive, I think I've made my mind up and we won't go until my son has left school.

It'd be too much to deal with right now.