He wants his house back! Wwyd?

[namechanger0987]

I have name changed for this as it could be outing.
Just wanting an outside view of things as I can't think straight!

Soooo..... little bit of relevant back info. My dad was diagnosed with ms a few years ago, he has deteriorated wuote a lot and he struggles physically and mentally to care for himself, his house etc. He has quite a large house with large garden and has been saying for a few years now that he would like to downsize but just can't be done with the hassle of selling and buying etc so he has stayed where he is. He has even said to us before why don't you buy me a bungalow and you live here.

Last year hubby and I decided to buy a doer upper property to renovate and sell so that we could raise some extra cash to put towards a deposit on a new house. This just so happened to be a little 2 bed bungalow close to my dads current house. As soon as dad saw it he asked us if he could buy it. We decided that we would sell our current property and buy his current house.
Our house sold very quickly so because my dad was buying the bungalow we decided we didn't want to miss out on sale so we would just to sell and move into the bungalow while we renovated it (full gut job) because as soon as it was done we had a buyer. 2 bed tiny bungalow with 3 kids, yes we are crazy! As is typical, sale went through really fast but plasterers, plumbers etc took their time and for various reasons everything was delayed. So we were living in a tiny bungalow with 3 kids, no carpet, no plaster on walls, no kitchen, no proper bathroom. (Apart from plastering and some small plumbing work) We did the full renovation ourselves, nearly killed us. Asked dad all the way through what kitchen he wanted, bath or shower etc etc. All of our things were packed up in the garage, It was hell as you can probably imagine!

Anyway 6 months later it's time to move, asked dad repeatedly 'are you sure?'

Should probably mention too that he wanted to do a straight swap but we insisted that it would be fair and he should buy our bungalow for its value and we would buy his house at value (his is worth more)
Also, his house is dropping to bits! Needs full renovation as it's been so neglected in recent years. Our bedroom has floor boards missing, and I can see outside UNDER the window!

When we moved we left him a brand new fridge freezer (we are using his 20yr old one), new bed, all brand new appliances and every carpet, wall, door, skirting board etc is brand new in the bungalow!

Now we are 6 weeks down the line and he isnt speaking to us! He's called us to my sister, family, anyone who will listen saying that he has done us a favour, we are taking the piss out of him, he is living in a building site???? It's boring in the bungalow, he can't go anywhere like he could in his house (bungalow is 10 min walk from house, closer to the local shop and closer to the same bus stop) And loads of other shit! I've been round and tried to speak to him and he said the same it's a building site, his house is in much better condition blah blah blah.

Anyway now he's saying he wants to move home, I'm absolutely devastated! He has left us in an absolute shit position and pretty much homeless with 3 kids!
We had a hue argument but he is adamant that he doesn't care where we go or about the kids he wants to move back to the house!
We have mortgage in place but we haven't exchanged any contracts etc so technically he still owns the house!

I just don't know what to do?! Everyone is saying don't move without a fight but in reality what can we do? I just want to hear outside opinions as I'm so emotional about this I can't even think straight! Both us and especially the kids have had a hell of a difficult year to do this for him and he's completely screwing us over!
He also tells everyone that he never sees us (or sis) and we do nothing for him, despite the fact that we take him shopping weekly, drs apps, out for tea, days out etc etc.

Am I being unreasonable? Is he? Any practical advice? Any opinions on what to do?

You need to move into rented accommodation and get your dad out of the bungalow. Then you can get the bungalow actually finished and sell it then buy something that works for you.

I don't think that your dad is entirely to blame here. It was foolish to move someone who you already suspected was on the brink of deteriorating mental acuity into an unfinished home. It was extremely foolish for you to move before actually exchanging ownerships.

But what is done is done. Irrational people are irrational. You will have to give his house back and he can continue as he was until it is no longer safe for him to do so.

Has he always been awkward? Paranoia can be caused by MS, so it sounds like he’s gotten it into his head, that you are taking advantage of him. Unfortunately there will be nothing that you can say, that will change his mind. If this is not typical of him, then can you accept it as part of his illness and make arrangements to move, keep the relationship on LC? If he’s always been an arse, then leave him to it.

Poor thing OP. What a crap situation.
I like the idea of a mediator? But if not I think you just need to leave.
Find a rental
Sell the bungalow
The house might have not so nice memories now anyway?

I agree with the majority as shitty as it is - you need to forget the house & find an alternative if the bungalow is unavailable.

I think your Dad is feeling guilty about his change of heart & the amount of work already carried out on this verbal agreement. His words are because of the guilt & his way of justifying it to himself.

It may cause some damage to your relationship but I don't think you'd want to lose him because of it. Or remove any further help you offer him.

As frustrating as it is, you have to abide by his wishes regardless of whether or not you think long term it is the right thing to do.

Granted your kids have already had much upheaval but they are resilient and as long as you are all together - you can weather this as a unit. Perhaps making sure the next move is a more permanent solution. Good luck x

You brought the bungalow to do up before he said he wanted to buy it, so just revert back to your original plan. I know you wouldn't have lived in it whilst renovating if it wasn't for his suggestion, but what's done is done.

Just think of all the money you have saved not keeping two properties. Yes you might have to move back in until it sells, but you managed a year already, at at least it's got plaster and a bathroom this time.

So I found out where all this has come from.....
His sister and his friend have convinced him that that we have been stealing from him and from our job???!!!! Like what the actual fuck??

This has escalated so much and so quickly!
We received a fb message from his sister telling us he has signed the house over to her and we need to leave.
She has harassed me constantly since with messages, I've blocked her on everything and she kept finding ways to us!
This got to a point on Saturday where we had to contact the police, police told her (and her daughters) no more contact but daughters turned up at the house shouting and screaming and threatening to burn the house down. This meant we ended up having to leave on Saturday night because we were terrified for the kids safety!
We were actually already pretty much packed ready to leave anyway but planned to actually move Sunday. So 11pm Saturday night we were loading as many cars as we could with anything important to move it!
Sister and her daughters (the ugly sisters) then turned up again, blocked me in my car and my hubby in the van on the road and then got out and started trying to get in the car and were punching the windows and kicking the car. I managed to get away but they were stood in front of van and hanging in the van while hubby was on phone to 999!
Absolute joke! They have now taken my dad, we don't know where he is or if he is safe. We darent go home because of the threats so kids are at my mums and we are at my sisters and the whole situation is absolute shit!
Police won't help, social services won't help, dr won't help, specialists won't help! We have no idea what to do!

Jesus! Tell social services and the police you’re going straight to the papers if anything happens to your dad.

I'd let him have the house back. You'll never hear the end of it if you don't. Although he's obviously being redic you will know you've taken the higher ground.

Obviously the practicalities of this are more difficult. Could you stay in his house and him stay in the bungalow while you get a buyer?

It does sound like a memory or mental health issue to me.

Have you been to the bungalow. I dread to think what they might have done to the place.