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Original poster

FIL is an immature twat...

26 replies

clairesthere · 07/07/2018 14:16

...and the older he gets, the worse he gets.

We went to MIL and FIL’s this morning to pick them up (separate cars but convoy) on the way to an overnight trip. We had no set time to leave but FIL was keen to go ASAP.

MIL came down the stairs with a towel and said it needed washing. For some reason FIL went ballistic! “Right, so we have to all sit here for the 45 minutes it takes to wash a towel then?” rant rant. MIL said no, if we were going she’d just put it in the machine and do it when they were back (it wasn’t to go with us, just needed washing).

FIL wouldn’t let it lie. He made a big production of grabbing the towel and marching to the machine and saying how we had to all sit and wait to take it out or it would go mildewy over night. We all said “Don’t put the towel on, MIL said it’s fine, it can wait” but he continued, “No, she said it had to be washed, so it has to be washed”.

MIL stood there saying “Don’t wash the towel, I’ve changed my mind, I didn’t realise we were leaving, it’s not important, don’t wash the towel” while FIL continued “No, you said wash the towel so I’m washing the towel”.

And on and on it went.

By this time we had retreated to the living room and after a while MIL came in and said she had to text FIL (who was still in the kitchen) so she had it in writing that she had said don’t wash the towel. She sent a text, an email and a voicemail!

Then we sat in silence until I said the children were going to play up if we didn’t go soon, so we went on ahead (MIL wouldn’t come with us) and we’re now here waiting for them to join us.

What on earth was that about? I’ve seen FIL be a similar twat about things, like he once announced that they weren’t to eat a particular thing because MIL had said it was recalled because of contamination. MIL said that had been weeks ago and it was ok now but FIL said “No, you said we weren’t to eat it, so we won’t eat it”. And it also explains how every year at Christmas FIL will comment that they can’t have turkey and ham or another joint because “MIL says” they can’t afford it. MIL said this once years ago apparently and he’s repeated it ever since. (They do have more than one meat. FIL makes his “You said...” comment when they are both put in the table.)

This is bound to happen again. How would you handle it?

OP posts:
Original poster
clairesthere · 07/07/2018 14:17

Sorry, so long! Blush

OP posts:
DownUdderer · 07/07/2018 14:19

Blimey he sounds like a right wanker

OhDearMavis · 07/07/2018 14:21

That's not immature. That's abusive. Your poor MIL

mimibunz · 07/07/2018 14:23

I would shame him in front of everyone.

GertrudeCB · 07/07/2018 14:24

You could tell him to stop being a massive twat.

ThunderInMyHeart · 07/07/2018 14:24

Jesus. What a bastard.

How does she react ie is she tearful?

What does DH do when this is going on?

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 07/07/2018 14:25

Emotional abuse. What does your dh say about this?

wizzywig · 07/07/2018 14:26

Woah. That sounds awful. What a horrible situation for yr mil

Bi11yOneMate · 07/07/2018 14:27

He is an abusive arse who is silencing your MIL .
Personally I would support your MIL, and tell you FIL that you won't be around any such outbursts - and next time it happens leave immediately with your family.
If it helps I have done this with my own DM. I don't take any crap from her now and won't allow my children to witness abusive or emotionally manipulative behaviour. And surprise surprise after a couple of rocky years she can now behave herself and treats me and my family with respect and politeness, which obviously is reciprocal.

thenightsky · 07/07/2018 14:28

God, your poor MiL. Sad

I imagine she puts up with this day in and day out. If he's that bad in front of an audience (you), I dread to think how much worse he is when they are alone.

Original poster
clairesthere · 07/07/2018 14:30

I’ve never seen MIL tearful. DH joined in with the “Don’t wash the towel” chorus to no avail. He also asked MIL to come with us (we could fit one more in the car) and leave FIL to his washing, but she wouldn’t come.

OP posts:
Bi11yOneMate · 07/07/2018 14:32

Could you have a quiet word with your mail and tell her she's always welcome at yours if she wants to leave fil? Her life must be awful

DrDougieHowserMD · 07/07/2018 14:35

Holy shit I'd think we have the same FIL (except I know I'm unlucky enough to be the only DIL in the family.)
He sounds just like my DH's dad. Tantrummy just to make a point. A point that is usually wrong too. (Like No FIL, "Darkie" ISN'T actually acceptable to call someone, even if you do say, "Well they are, aren't they?")

I stopped putting up with that shit years ago and either countered his stupid arguments or said, " You're being ridiculous and childish" and I just left him to rant with no audience.

Were you in a position to take MIL with you while childish FIL watched his precious towel go round and round the washer and could follow on later? I feel for your MIL.

DrDougieHowserMD · 07/07/2018 14:38

Sorry crossposted. I wish MIL had gone with you. Her paddling husband should not have an audience.

DrDougieHowserMD · 07/07/2018 14:38

**paddying not paddling

Original poster
clairesthere · 07/07/2018 14:42

MIL refused to come with us. MIL will give as good as she gets when she’s arguing, I’ve heard her! But this insistence that the first thing said is the only thing, no changing minds, is weird. How do you reply to that? It’s a blank wall.

FIL did it to me once. He said I’d said I cut grapes or something for the children (because choking hazard) but here I was giving them uncut grapes. I explained they were now several years older so that rule didn’t apply any more!

OP posts:
Original poster
clairesthere · 07/07/2018 14:44

Have to say that FIL has never been as bad as he was over the towel in front of us before, and if my parents are around he never does anything like that, so I think he knows he looks and sounds stupid.

OP posts:
ThunderInMyHeart · 07/07/2018 14:44

He sounds exhausting

sue51 · 07/07/2018 14:47

Does he have any redeeming qualities? I would refuse to allow my children to witness such childish behaviour and leave the moment he displayed similar twatishness.

Original poster
clairesthere · 07/07/2018 14:59

sue51, He’s a hard worker. He is good with the children playing cricket and taking them out on their bikes etc. He’ll go out at night and get something from the shops if it were forgotten with no grumbles.

OP posts:
sue51 · 07/07/2018 15:04

So not a total twat then. Maybe he's never been properly held to account for this behaviour and doesn't realise how infantile he seems to an outsider.

SandAndSea · 07/07/2018 16:01

I would limit the time you spend around this and make it very clear what you are doing and why.

Original poster
clairesthere · 07/07/2018 18:38

No I don’t think he has been held to account t. I think MIL has minimised it and kept the peace and he’s got worse with age and stress.

They arrived and it hasn’t been spoken about but there is a bit of a “don’t tell me what to do” atmosphere from FIL to MUL.

Thing is, if she didn’t organise them they would never get anything done. DH says he used to be more laid back and MIL was the driving force.

OP posts:
stressedoutpa · 07/07/2018 20:35

It's either dementia or he is being an attention seeking drama queen. My Mum has a few ishoos. I just ignore her now and change the subject. In this case, I would probably have said to MIL, "We're all ready to go so we'll wait in the car for you." I would then walk out of the house and sit in the car.

FangAchePartDeux · 11/07/2018 00:20

My DS-Dad is exactly the same and it's also getting worse with age. When he's on one of his rants there is no stopping him. My mum thinks he's turning into a right grumpy old man and she's started threatening divorce Confused