Not sure how this will be received but feeling a bit desperate. Or if right place to post...
Sorry if this is vague also, don't know what I'd do if anyone I know was to see this!
To cut a long story short I've always had mild depression, no particular catalyst involved. Good and bad patches. Been with DH for 6 years.
Had a hard time at school growing up due to bullies. (I'm mid 20's), still have little self confidence and I'd say I'm definitely insecure. Turned out that my BIL's GFs sibling is one of the people from my past and due to pressure from my in laws I've had to be nice to this girl for the duration of my relationship with DH. It's obvious she dislikes me and has attempted to cause trouble between myself, the in laws and DH. Still I have to put up with it.
The BIL and GF have been together a while and in a seriousness I don't think myself and DH have even seen the pair of them more than 20 times in 6 years and that's being generous. BIL is constantly falling out with in laws and has never had much of a relationship with DH at all. Not being blood related and having no siblings I tend to hold a bit of a grudge with the fall outs - especially with DH involved and feeling hurt. It's always 'icy' when we are in their company with fake pleasantries on both sides.
Since we have been married MIL has been all over me and we had been getting on really well. I was getting to the stage I felt I could confide in her. Previously she had her moments with me, first married son etc..a few clashes as females do but nothing serious. I had confided in her around Xmas last year that I thought I was maybe pregnant (weird symptoms and she planted the seed) and I was obviously excited and there had been constant chat about the first grandchild from all the family (before I said to her). The very next day we went into in laws for family celebration, just myself, DH,FIL, MIL & two younger BIL's. Shortly after arriving we were told we HAD to go to BIL & GF's house. Immediately we resisted - had arranged a meal with only in laws. MIL pushed and pushed to the point I had a panic attack. She pinned it all on me and made me look like the one holding every one back from going. I knew the sister would be there as well which made me anxious. So we are and she said nothing else to me at all, no sorry or 'are you ok?'. We then went to the BIL & GF's and we were handed a baby announcement. MIL knew this was what was going to happen and didn't tell us.
Fastforward and I've been diagnosed with PCOS, severe depression and get constant baby talk from MIL. She's also tossed me aside as I can't seem to give her what she wants. I've told her about my issues but she doesn't seem to listen to or compute to any information I tell her about me and DH. My Husband was quite low recently and told MIL she was to cool it on the baby chat in our company. First thing she did in my company was rub the baby news in my face in much a malicious way. It caused a real relapse with my depression and I started to feel suicidal. I've now started antidepressants which I've never wanted to do. I started feeling better recently and again the MIL strikes and now younger BIL making comments that I need to make an effort to visit the other BIL's GF in advance of the birth. I don't want to and feel like these people dictate my life to a point when all it causes me is hurt to be honest. The baby is due very soon and the way I'm feeling i would rather be admitted somewhere than have to act normal and be in their company. I'm at the end of my tether and I'd be happy if I never seen any of the Im laws again.
Just to add my DH is my Rock, even with my depression he tries to understand me and would do anything for me. He is however totally blinkered when it comes to his family and can't see them do any wrong. It's never anything malicious in his eyes. Especially his mum.
Advice? AIBU or just pushed too far? So much more I could say but this is a novel at the moment sorry