Fleeing a house.

[SJM0991]

Hi all,

I’m not sure if I’m posting in the right place. Please go easy on me... I’ve never posted before just usually enjoy reading.
I need some advice.
I live in the UK and I’m in a DV relationship. He is not th father of my children, it’s been 18 months and I need to leave ASAP.
As it stands I am high priority on the housing list. I could be contacted next week, or it could be in 2 months time. It’s a ‘how long is a piece of string’ kinda thing.
Long of it short is, I hoped to bide my time here until something came up, but it’s become unbearable. The more submissive I’ve become the more control hasn’t been asserted on his part.
I have two children not very little, but not teens either. I also am a Nurse so I’m doing my best to hold my job down too. It’s all I have left other than the children.
So I have no family (other than a disabled mother who I care for who also has learning difficulties so I keep everything on the low to protect her).
The option of a flat has become available from a friend with the agreement that I can stay there for like 2 months or so (in return I am decorating and furnishing it with his money- I have en eye for interior design and I have done this for another friends property before so he knows it’ll be in good standard when I leave) this way I can save money for furnishing my new place.
So my question is, I’m not leaving with much (I’m slowly storing essentials at a friends house like my children’s memories etc) I need to pack lightly and take essentials that will tie me over for a couple of months before I can furnish a new house when I get housed. I have also been financially abused in this relationship so finances are right so don’t want to have to buy stuff now and then move it on. The flat i’ll be in is vey small but it’ll do for now and I’m hugely greatdul for the offer to escape now as the Home situation has escalated.

So it has two beds there for me and my boys. A fridge, a small wardrobe and a sofa.

What would you pack as essentials.
I’ve thought about taking just basic crockery, plates, saucepans, cutlery, mugs.
Towels, bedding, toiletries. (I’m storing most of mine and kids clothes at another friends until I’m housed as space in the temporary place is tight)

I would very appreciate some advice on packing minimal, but essential.

Many thanks in advance.

How long do you have to get out? Just so we can advise on what you realistically have time to take?

Are the kids old enough to be extra pairs of hands?

Hi I’m sorry your living lie this I left an abusibe relationship with barely anything and brought second hand things after or you can ask charities for help
Just get out ASAP don’t worry about belongings your life’s more important xx

Thank you for your replies. I’m not worried about furnishings etc. I’ll get that from charity shops when I move. Don’t want the gets involved so will be moving bits whilst they’re at school and him at work.
The flat I’m going to has nothing. Although he is putting microwave and toaster and kettle for me which is great.
So I need to tie us over for 2 months, but I’m worried I’m not thinking as clear as I would normally so other than basic crockery I’m thinking what else may I need. Bedding and towels, some clothes. Any other daily essentials you can think of that I may need over a two month period until I get my new place?

I’m planning to be gone by another week to ten days time so I have time to slyly get bits out when he isn’t around

My paperwork is all stored at a friends. I just have one envelope here which is our essentials, passports, birth certs etc. They stay by my side. I’ve slowly over time stored their child hood memory things etc as well. So I literally don’t have anything personal here so just want to take basics to live off for a few months

I think you have essentials pretty much covered. Cutlery, cooking implements (including a couple of wooden spoons/spatulas), crockery, towels & bedding. Possibly shower curtain (not expensive new).
Sorry you're having to go through this.

OP I know you'll have thought this through a hundred times, But must you really stay another week to ten days? You have the essentials, if the new place allows could you not go early this week?

The reason being is the flat is in a state at the moment and he has decorators going next week. He is a narcissist so at the moment has turned it all around on me because I wouldn’t give him my phone when he asked (he is the one who has cheated multiple times I never have so much as spoke to another man) and I stood up for myself and refused. I will therefore get the cold shoulder and he won’t bother me for a week or so. So I know how it plays out so it gives me enough time for my friend to do all the bits he needs to do with hi flat to get up together. The last tennents more than destroyed it. It’s inhabitable. So over the course of this week I am getting it liveable. But I have the keys so if I do need to flee this week I can. I suffer with anxiety and being out of control flares me up so badly and I’ve lost so many elements of control of my life with him and now being homeless I need this time to get up together this week

OP, is there any way you could afford (or beg borrow steal) a man with a van type thing, and then throw stuff in it, if you have time while your husband is at work? You could have lists made up in priority order of what you want from each room.

I think you are being very brave and wish you all the very best with this

Thank you for all your posts. I don’t have anywhere to store any furniture whilst in th temporary flat nor do I have a lot of money for storage etc. I’ve come to terms with the fact I’ll need to start again with furniture and actually look forward to that as a little project of getting items from charity shop/tip and renovating them. It’ll keep me busy and I’ll need that.
Just want to take essentials to tie me over.
I think as long as we have bedding, towels and utensils to cook we should be ok? But just wanted to see if anyone had any obvious things I’m not thinking of. As previously mentioned, paperwork and memories are safe at a friends. So I guess it’ll just be cooking bits and bobs and some clothes and then our life begins again.
Always horrific when you have children old enough to understand. Never the life you want for them. I’m goinf to pray hard life will get better. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply all of you ❤️

I understand.

Don't forget things like veg peelers, tin openers, tea towels, cleaning stuff, oven gloves, device chargers, multi way plugs, clothes hangers, laundry detergent ... all the oddments that you just accumulate.

In fact a great tick list would be new house essentials websites - random google result: homebuyingchecklist.co/new-house-checklist-essentials/

I can't think of anything outside of what you're thinking..Maybe small electrical items, hoover, iron, slow cooker, sandwich toaster etc
Oven dishes too...something to cook with outside of pots and pans.
Small lamps, throws they'll make your new place feel homely

That’s perfect... all the little things I was thinking. Glad you reminded me of a tin opener and peeler... they’re definitely the sort of things i’d had forgotton.... although not essential for fleeing... if I have the time/capacity to take the smaller bits to save money where I can then I will. Thank you 😊

As well as the things you've said please make sure to take the children's favourite toys. I think they will be able to cope well with the upheaval if they have familiar things around them. Obviously only if you have time and the opportunity to do so in the current circumstances. Other than that toiletries and as pp said the most expensive things should be prioritised over things that are cheaper to replace.

Kitchen stuff and bedding as you've already mentioned, but also some favourite home comforts of the dc be it toys, technology, books, whatever. If you don't have a tv, or can't take one, a radio?

Definitely children's toys, their bedding etc too if you can. Their home comforts.

Please be mindful. This is a precarious time for you. Don't take so much that he begins to suspect.

Chargers and maybe an extension lead? Hairdryer? Any medication you or DC might need. Hope it all goes smoothly

Oh - simple tools: hammer, nails, screwdrivers, drill, rawl plugs, paintbrushes...

Hope you're ok OP. You've been in my thoughts

An Iron and hairdryer if you usually use one.

Make sure to take any items that can't be replaced so any special pictures(or get copies of them and take the copies)any keepsake jewellery ect that's special to you or your DC.

Make sure to take any ID,any proof of the DV and any medication you and your DC might need.