MIL is a Debbie Downer... affecting my children

[marylandmary]

MIL has always been a pessimist but I’ve just noticed how it’s beginning to affect the children in the family.

SIL’s children, who see a lot more of her, are taking on her traits. The oldest girl in particular.

For example we were talking about vacations and DN announced that the characters at Disney aren’t real and the rides are not worth the queues and that it was overpriced... This from a 10 year old! About DIsney! It’s MIL’s words exactly.

Up until now I’ve always ignored MIL’s negativity but her attitude has worn me down and I’m getting annoyed with her now and want to snap. I don’t want my children (4 and 2) to start saying negative things like SIL’s. I also don’t want them to see me snapping. SIL’s children also worry a lot about things and I think this is related.

(DH says MIL has always been like this. She’s not depressed or anything, it’s her nature to say negative, sometimes mean, things.)

Thanks SeatoSki Talking about why hadn't crossed my mind. I don’t even know why except I think it’s a habit.

Why? Why do people behave this way???

We've moved house. We back onto a farm. We see farm buildings and the ugly side, ie the storage and the bits and bobs. DM came to visit and, because she couldn't see fluffy sheep, announced that it isn't a farm.

My DM had a rant at my DD for being born in April - she said that all her friends were born in April so it's an expensive month for her, then she glared at poor DD.

Fortunately DD is 20 so we rolled our eyes together and laughed about it in the car later. But talk about making someone feel crap about themselves.

Oh Vanilla that is bad!

I think the worst for us has been FIL on 2 occasions.

1 was when we were about to move overseas and he went on, and on, and on about what would happen if all our stuff got damaged or lost, or what if the container ship sank! 🙄 You’d think he was being overly dramatic for a joke but he was deadly serious and was saying it all in the presence of our DC who ranged from 3-8 and were already understandably nervous about uprooting their entire lives to move somewhere new! I didn’t mince my words on that occasion!

The 2nd time was when he came to visit after DH had completed his cancer treatment. We had had the most horrendous year and we’re just starting to get onto an even keel again, although we’re atill waiting for test results to know whether the treatment had worked or not. The whole weekend he talked about “what if it isn’t cured?” “What if it comes back?” “What if...?” Etc etc etc. Again - all in the presence of our DC who had already experienced deep trauma and really didn’t need a whole weekend of reminders that their dad had been/might still be seriously ill. I might never forgive him for that

I call my partner a Debbie Downer. He has a negative answer for all my new ideas or ventures...quite often it turns out he's right but at least I tried and learned from my own mistakes. Some of my ideas turn out to be successful so he gets a big "up yours"

DH can be like this. If I say "Ooh we can do x this weekend- shall I see if I can get DM to babysit?"
He'll go "Maybe. The thing is she'll ring us to come home early. And x might not be as good as we think. And I'd have to rush to finish work on time. And the weather will probably break by then so we'd only get rained on and then still have to deal with the children the next day when we're tired. And the sky might cave in or x might be cancelled due to a locust swarm."
I just look at him and tell him not to start inventing problems before they happen. It's irritating but he has started to recognise it.