MY HUSBAND IS SEX TEXTING OTHER WOMEN

[Vonhen]

Hi, I think I know the answer to what I should do but just want to hear if anyone else has gone through this and their marriage survived!
I have been married 16 years in October and have 2 beautiful daughters aged 16 and 13.
A few years ago I found flirty text messages on my husbands phone to a younger family friend. I confronted him and he told me it was nothing, just a bit of harmless fun!! He said he would end it though because he could see how upset I was.
Since then periodically I have found more texts to different women, all flirty and saying how sexy they are and how much they turn him on. As far as I am aware nothing physical has happened. A recent one was to a work colleague and when I confronted him he went ballistic and turned it round on me and saying I deserved to find something because I was spying on him and that she was just a friend!!!
He swore that he loved me and would never cheat on me and couldn't see that I saw that the text messages were a form of cheating. He said tho that it would end as again he said he knew I was upset. But after that he changed his password on his phone so I can't check anything.
I suspected there was something going on on twitter so I managed to log into his account on my phone and found a private message from a female in New Jersey asking if he was single as she wanted to start chatting. He replied that he was married but wished he wasn't after looking at her photos.
And now I've found very very sexual messages to yet another female on Tumblr. This female seemingly lives in London and they have been sending very intimate photos of each other's private parts to each other and what they would like to do to each other when they meet. He has said that he'll try to go down to London after we come back from our hols at end of July as he has friends down there so could get away with making an excuse to go down to see them without me.
As far as I can see they don't even know what each other look like, apart from their private parts!!!
Im just so hurt and humiliated. Up to now I thought we had a reasonably good marriage with a good sex life. But now I know that he's thinking of this woman when he's with me as he has told her this in some of the messages.
What do I do? I love him as the father of my girls but don't think I'm in love with him after this and could never trust him again. Help!!! 😥😥

Gather your paperwork and see a solicitor. And I'm sorry you're married to someone who has such little respect for you and his children. Idiot.

He's playing you for a fool if he thinks you'll buy that crock of shit. And the fact that you're doubting yourself and your judgement makes me wonder if the sexting is just the tip of the iceberg - what else has he been doing over the years to systematically destroy your self esteem?

Agree with PP - gather the paper work and see a solicitor asap.

If I left him though how would I stand with regard to the house. We only rent our house from a leasing agency of a private landlord as we previously lived abroad and now can't get back on property ladder. I can't afford the rent and bills on my own and don't really want to uproot my daughters again? Would I get help or would I just have pack up and go somewhere else?

Ugh! He sounds utterly vile and disgusting. You deserve so much better OP.

Honestly. No words really. Expect perhaps - leave him. You are worth far more than that.

Why do people send pictures of their body parts to each other?

It's just vile.

Sorry OP. X

No I totally agree with you. And the fact that they've never seen each other's faces turns my stomach. It could be anyone he's sending pics of his bits to, they could just be googling nude pics and posting them as their own so the fact that he's willing to cheat on me given that facts, doesn't really say much for me??

@Vonhen , I think it speaks about his character, not yours. Hugs

Ew. What a lying creep. And putting his icky, disgusting behaviour on you ... to hell with that!

Get legal advice. Get copies of everything you've seen and bank account info, pension info, important documents, etc and figure out what you want.

Good luck, OP. He's a lousy role model for your daughters if he thinks this is reasonable behaviour.

You will get lots of support and advice if you ask @mnhq to move this to relationships section.

I think the general rule of thumb is you say nothing, you use this time to get your ducks in a row, financially sorted, photocopies of everything, copies of his payslips and savings. Screen shot all the seedy messages you can find and dig for more.

It sounds as if he's planning on actually meeting this complete stranger for a hook up in London? If he's willing to do that he's honestly not worth giving any more chances to. You will manage on your own. The ladies in relationships will advise what you may be entitled to in benefits.

I'm sorry this has happened but if it was going on for years behind your back it's much better you know so you can reclaim your life away from him.

Get rid. He has no respect for you and he will take it further.
Go to citizens advice or go into the gov uk website and see what benefits you would be entitled to.
Speak to a solicitor, some do 30 min free consultation.
You don't have to stay + put up with his crap.

Thank you everyone. I guess you have just confirmed what I already knew I had to do. I think with all the years of him making me think everything was my fault I was questioning my own judgement. I know he'll say that he hasn't actually physically cheated on me but especially with this recent one where he's sending pics of himself just disgusts me.
I'm going to do as you suggest and bide my time, collect everything I need and take it from there. I know I can manage on my own physically and mentally, I've done it before with my 2 daughters when they were much younger where he basically told us we were moving to
Spain, sold up and moved there, the job he was going to fell through so he moved back home and left us in Spain with the promise he would get another job and move back with us. Four years later and he still only cane out once a month to visit!!! I moved back home hence why we in rented accommodation but I guess that's when I started to question everything and now my intuition has been proven right!!!

I'm so sorry

Take screenshots of all the messages, start gathering paperwork together and see a solicitor.

He will never change, and probably got up to all sorts when he lived away from you, he sounds very sleazy.

Oh...he is nothing but a SNAKE!
Been in same situation few years back mind, had all the sexting but no proof of physical!
Deep down OP I think you know.
Like everyone else has said, gather everything important and go seek advice.
He wants both parts of the cake and you are giving him your bit OP but not anymore hun....
YOU DESERVE SO SO SO MUCH BETTER 💐

Just FYI, he may have got a notification that his Twitter was logged in on a different device.

Good on you for getting out, he'a treating you terribly.

I did wonder if he would get a notification but he hasn't said anything so I'm thinking not!!! I don't really care now, I've got enough proof otherwise to prove he's a lying, cheating slime ball

I've started screenshooting all their conversations, it's really making my stomach turn 😥

Okidoki, change your locks, pack his things and leave them outside for him and make sure he knows you have been to see a divorce solicitor. And leave him a folder with all the screenshots ontop of his belongings.

Do not drag things out, do it now, or you are going to forgive him and fall for his bullshit just like you have the past 16 years.

Can't change locks without landlords permission

Yeah I'll need to talk to leasing agency re locks and tenancy as both our names on contract