I would be grateful for any advice on this topic.
I have been married to my husband for 3 years, we have no children. He is a lovely person in many ways and we have been happy in the past. However we have certain issues which are circulating beyond control. First is his sleeping all day when he isn’t working(until 1 or 2pm is normal) and his not helping at all around the house. Whenever I brought it up we had very volatile fights which ended in him walking out and me roaring and crying all night. He frequently calls me names like cunt or crazy bitch and throws and breaks things. I also break things out of sheer frustration and I self harm too. Then he comes back and make up but nothing would change.
About a year ago I managed to get him to see a GP abd he was diagnosed with depression. He saw a counsellor for a few sessions and we saw a counsellor for a few sessions together but he refused to go back after she didn’t kick up a stink and have a huge reaction when I confessed to self harming when he walks out on an argument. He has done nothing for his depression other than take the tablets. He does no exercise, drinks excessively and eats takeaways almost every day. He has become increasingly aggressive and not just to me.
I continued to see the counsellor on my own for a while but stopped when she advised me that the problem is with him, not me and he needs to motivate to change before we can move on. On his request I went to a GP and reported the self harming and was told the same thing.
That was 6 months ago and things have gotten worse. I obsess over our problems, we fight almost every day, my self harming has gotten worse and I have started having panic attacks. Last week in an argument he said fuck you and shove it up your hole to me and I got so angry I hit him. He then kicked me and shoved me. He was drinking at the time and he burped in my face and said “that’s what I think of you”. I left and stayed in my parents house. He says I push him so far to do these things and then I play the victim.
We have been fighting all weekend and I have self harmed a lot including smacking my face off my granite worktop and tearing my hair out. He told me to snap out of it and just be fucking normal. I suppose I am asking do you think it is the depression talking or is he just a horrible, selfish person? Any thoughts on a course of action would be fantastic.