Absolutly FUMING 'fathers day'

[keanukhalessi123]

Fathers day....
Dont really know where to start with this im so angry!
Ive mentioned on a previous post that when i was a child i was horribly sexually abused and the abuser who did this to me was infact my grandfather, i got up to give my dad his card and his pressents for fathers day, only to find out from my mum that he has gone up my grandfathers with cards and pressents for him! Wtf! I know he doesnt believe me, when it first came out all of the family were there for me, supportive and believed me, but after a while my grandmother my uncle and my dad all started to change, my uncle ignored my birthday and refused to speak to me, my grandmother told me that i was a liar although we have moved past this comment, i used to be so close with her, and now she doesnt even call to ask about me or anything :( my mum told me that she had a argument with my dad regarding him going to my grandfathers house telling him what a good dad he is (even though he abused his daughter) and all my dad had to say was 'oh well' im fuming! Hes meant to be my dad and be there for me, my grandfather is vile! Hes a PEDOPHILE! And my dad thinks its ok to go up there telling him how great he is and how lucky he is to have such a amazing father?! What the fuck! I feel like ripping his card i brought him up! 'Oh well' unbelievable! Im so angry right now! I don't know how i'm going to move past this! I spoke to my dad prior to fathers day and he swore on my life he wouldn't go up/ buy cards ect and he is up there right now! I reported him but never went through with all the police stuff and court as my grandmother was blackmailing she would cause shit for my life and never speak to me again, sometimes i think fuck them i should go to the police! I want justice for what happened to me! Why should he get to sit there enjoying his life everyday laughing at me and im suffering because of what he did to me! My dad is just as bad as them, tbh hes never been a good father, hes a very selfish man, not just to me but to my whole family (apart from his mum and dad) so upset and angry right now

Oh wow honey you have been through so much and it doesn't sound like those who should have supported you through that really did so. The reactions you recieved from your care givers were dismissive, unsupportive and uncaring and you have never had what happened to you acknowledged or validated. They shut themselves off from wanting to even believe it and found it easier to alienate you. More fool them. No wonder you are so angry. But in doing this they have only caused further emotional damage for you.
Its very hard to choose to walk away from people who are bad for us especially when it is your own parents/grandparents but they and their lack of support or respect for you and your feelings is actually abusive in itself.

I've never been abused in the way you have honey but i would so urge you to go to the police. No matter how long it has been. But you need strength to do that. Try and turn this anger into the strength and boost you need to empower you to do this. Can you create a network of supportive people around you? Even if it is just one or two people. Friends? Partner? Any family members that would support you? Don't forget that a support network can include people like your GP and a counsellor. I have had counselling several times in my life for things nowhere near as traumatic as what you've been through. I would recommend it 100%. Your GP can refer you or give you a list of options. Counselling can never take away what you've been through but it van validate it and help you feel stronger and clearer in knowing how you want to move forward.

All these things will act as a cushion to catch you and may help you feel able to go to police and to distance yourself from the relatives that are hurting you. If you distance yourself from them now you are doing so because you need to for your own health. It doesn't mean that in the future you can't reconcile but i think the most important thing for you is to be healthy and emotionally supported and at the moment, being around these people is not allowing that to happen.

I hope that helps a little xx

There is support out there for you. The below is just one possibility if you contact them just to talk i am sure they can advise.

The National Association for People Abused in Childhood (NAPAC)
Call 0808 801 0331 free from all landlines and mobiles
Monday – Thursday 10:00-21:00 and Friday 10:00-18:00
NAPAC provides a national freephone support line for adults who have suffered any type of abuse in childhood.
Website: www.napac.org.uk

Awful. Your dad is spineless. I'd be livid too. Sorry you've been so let down by your family xxx

What you have gone through sounds awful. Not the same but I was abused sexually by my mums husband and still no one believes me. I didn’t even report or go to the police because I was threatened with all sorts. I was even kicked out onto the streets when I asked her to choose him or me. The bastard is dead now so no real closure, not that I would have got it. Anyway, I digress. Point is, I know how you feel and it sucks. Even when my mum hinted that she believed me, she was planning on getting back with him and move him to where I had moved to. She still goes to his grave etc and posts how much she loves him and it makes me sick. The bastard is buried over here, he’s not even from here fs. I’m finally no contact and it’s been amazing. To not be around someone that has never believed me or said they did and still was all over the scumbag that hurt me, has felt amazing. Heck, I’d probably recommend it.