I have a half brother who is 50 years old. I am 29. He is my Dad's son from a previous marriage. That marriage ended when my brother was about 12 yrs old. A couple of years later my dad met another lady (my mum), who already had a son herself then they married and had me.
Not that unusual of a situation in this modern world?
My half brother's mother (dads ex wife) had some mental health issues (which i think contributed to them splitting up as she was violent to my dad) and by all accounts she may have said some poisonous untrue things about my mum after my dad remarried. My half brother being only 12/13 during these years was affected by a lot of this. Before tgey got married, my dad moved away to live with my mum in another town 200 miles away (where my mum was from). So in my half brother's view his dad was not around much for quite a difficult part of his life.
My parents married and then moved back to my dads hometown. My half brother moved in with them for a bit and my mum always made an effort with him. Then he moved out, my parents had me and life went on. As there is a 21 yr age gap between us, for me he was always an adult in my life and probably felt more like an uncle than brother but that was ok. He married and had kids and we would see them regularly. Over the early years he didn't seem to like my mum much but was civil and over the years everything seemed to get better. They were never best buds but he was able to be nice to her and have a good relationship with Dad and us.
My half brother then moved away (we lived in essex and he moved up north to liverpool) - he got divorced and he also ended up re-marrying and having another child a bit later in life with his new wife (just like my dad did). Due to the distance, visits became less but they did still take place back & forth. Over the last 10 years as my parents have got older and my mum has had a lot of back and hip problems, they have not travelled to liverpool to visit as it is a long hard journey and my brother's visits to us have dwindled. When he did come he would stay at his mother's house which was understandable as he always maintained a close relationship with her, but he would often just come alone or very rarely with his wife and kids.
My parents moved down to the bottom end of the country 5 yrs ago (dorset). In that time my brother has become quite off with my parents. He went through a long stage of not answering my dads calls texts or emails, and only did so when a family emergency happened. Then communication picked up again just over the phone between him and dad until about 2 yrs ago when a silly Facebook post by him was taken the wrong way by my mum. Once it was clarified my mum had no problem but my brother did, and he fell out with them over it, sending dad lots of texts saying how he never visits them and is not a proper grandad to his kids, saying that he does not really know me and referring to my mum as 'that woman' etc.
I think a lot of the issues stem back to him being an impressionable age when my dad divorced his mum and the circumstances around that. However that was all way before I was born.
So over the last few years my brother and dad have not had a good relationship but do text occasionally.
As an adult now myself, I have tried to keep a relationship with my brother and send cards, call or text him occasionally and i have been up to visit him twice. He is always kind and welcoming and calls me 'sis' when i do these things.
However, even though he visits our home county of essex (where i still live) a fair amount, he stays at his mums, no problem - but he never gets in touch with me qhen he is here to see about meeting even for a quick coffee - nothing. Considering he travels from Liverpool to essex to see his mum, you'd think he would make the effort to arrange to see his sister whilst he's here. But several times now, he has not done this. And we know when he is here because he puts it on Facebook tagging himself into places in the town or saying "im travelling to essex". Last time he did this, i messaged him to say 'oh i didn't know you were coming down, I'm free this weekend if you want to meet up' but he did not respond.
This has happened again this weekend - its plastered all over his Facebook wall that he is here & with his mum and her family. I have not heard from him though and this time i have not contacted him myself.
As his younger sister by 21 years i feel as though i make all the effort to keep a relationship between us. He never calls me. He doesn't visit me when he's in town. He's never seen my house. He did come to my wedding but only after at one stage saying he might not come.
I call & text him, I've made the trip specifically to liverpool to visit him twice. I am not getting the same back from him.
I have done nothing wrong to fall out with him so i can only assume he makes no effort with me because i am related to my mum who he doesn't like.
Does he want to be my brother?? He is not acting like it. But family is important to me and id like to stay in touch as well as see my nephews (his sons). But i dont get to speak to my brother unless i ring him and i don't get to see my nephews unless i visit liverpool. They must barely know who i am. If he made the effort to contact me when he visits here then i would be happy to continue to do a couple of visits a year to where he lives too. But in any relationship whether friendship or family, it has to be 2 way. If i contacted him as much as he contacts me, we would never talk and i don't think id ever actually see him. It makes me sad. I feel hurt because im his baby sister but he doesn't seem to want me to be. And i worry for my dad as i know he is hurt by all the issues they have had too.
Any advice on how I should manage this going forward? I am starting to feel that he wants to be a stranger to me and not a brother.
Sorry i know this is very long, it had to be to give you full context.
Look forward to any responses xxxx