How to tolerate friends' mean spouses in social situations?

[AdultHumanFemale]

In recent months, I have become aware that a few of my friends' DHs / DPs are making their lives very miserable (through disclosure). I think some of their behaviour is bordering on unlawful (aggression, coercion, control).
We see each other regularly, occasionally with partners. Until recently, I would never have thought anything was amiss, hence have always been friendly with spouses. I love these women, and am gutted that these things are happening in their lives. There are a few social events coming up, and I feel like I literally can't face seeing their spouses, I am so angry with them. But I am also aware that, at this point, none of my friends want their boats rocked, and any diversion from etiquette would make things hard for them.
What is the right thing to do when it is like this? I want to support my friends, and part of that is staying connected, but the DHs... aaargh!

I have a friend in this situ. I cant stand the man because of what hes said and done. Whenever I see him socially I am polite, I smile and ask how he is, crack a lame joke and then move on and start talking to someone else. Not rude but not spending more time with him than I need to.

Smile, shitty small talk and fake interest.

7 years I’ve had to do this with my abusive bitch of a SIL. Vacuous small talk and fake smiles.

It’s even harder when the bloke is your SDs partner... I feel your pain and have no answers. Feel like I’m betraying her by staying silent but I am pretty sure it would backfire if I said anything

I have this with my bf’s husband. She’s told me so much about the way he treats her that I keep my distance and obviously never let on that I know stuff. However, he has gone out of his way a few times to help me for which I am obviously grateful but then wonder what he’s up to. IMO he’s very clever and manipulative and I’m cautious of that.

Thank you for your responses, that is really helpful. There were no instant responses so I didn't check back after a while, thinking the thread was too far in the past for anyone to see.
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