Would you give her the present?

[IamAporcupine]

Have a colleague/friend from work who has a DS same age as my DD. We don't do things together very often but when we do, they get on really really well.

I like my colleague a lot, and always enjoyed her company/chats but recently I felt she was not very interested in getting together. They didn't come to my DD's birthday and I have the feeling she will not be invited to his birthday either.

I had already bought something I thought he would like, but now I do not know what to do. In normal circumstances I'd give her the present anyway, but I now worry it might seem passive aggressive somehow?

no one?

Hi op,
Did they just not turn up for your dd party?
Has she given out invited for her sons party do you know?
If invited not yet given out I'd wait and see and then decide.Obviously she can take it if she is and if she isn't,hang on to it
Until you know if the children have fallen out of if it's your colleague pulling away.have a word with her maybe and see if she is ok.

Invites not invited!

Is it something your DD would like?
I'd hang onto it until after his birthday just in case.

Shame when people you get on with drift off but perhaps your colleague prefers to go back to an office-only rapport.

@KarmaStar
Did they just not turn up for your dd party?
No, she said they had people staying and could not make it, but there was something about the way she said that made me think it might be just an excuse. She also said we could get together another day instead, but we never did.

Has she given out invited for her sons party do you know?
I do not know, but I am pretty sure that his birthday is in June, so very likely.

Until you know if the children have fallen out
I know they haven't.

@DonkeysDontRideBicycles
Is it something your DD would like?
Yes, but that's not the point really. I could also give to another child for another birthday.

Maybe I didn't explain myself properly - if my colleague had said 'Oh this year we are having an all boys party' or whatever then I would not mind and I would send him the present from us anyway. But the fact that she didn't mention the party at all makes me think that if I gave them the present it might look passive aggressive, if that makes sense?!

I hate these situations, I should just do what I want to do!!

Shame when people you get on with drift off but perhaps your colleague prefers to go back to an office-only rapport.
Yes that's what I am thinking, although I cannot understand why. I am usually quite paranoid, so I can't help thinking I did something wrong!

Just hold the present till July. If no invite forthcoming, then use the present elsewhere.

In situations like this I would text the friend and ask directly. I can’t do face to face confrontation so texting is my solution. I’m an anxious person so it suits me well.

If she sent a present for your dd then I would send his present. If not I would keep it and use for someone else.

You say she hasn't mentioned the party. Is it possible there isn't one? Or that they're just doing a family celebration?

@Tumilnaughts - yep, it is totally possible they are not having a party.

@NotSinisterAtAll - what would you ask her?

If she hasn't mentioned anything I'd probably just ask and start with something like 'isn't it you DC birthday coming up?' And just go from there.

*your