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Anxiety/guilt causing irrational/suicidal thoughts

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Babiesarelife · 08/06/2018 10:39

As awful as I may sound on this post please don’t be ‘too’ hasty although all opinions welcome. 4 months into seeing my partner (both 22 years old) I slept with someone else- when I met him i was instanrly besotted, I had been single for 6 months after a 7 year relationship, I had hooked up with a couple of men who I thought were genuinely interested and ended up just using me and my self worth was at 0. So anyways- 2 months in, he was meant to be staying over but ended up not messaging until the next day saying he had wound up very drunk and slept in someone’s garden, I assumed he had slept with someone else, I should’ve asked him but I never so I will never know, I also receive a phone call to inform me that he was only seeing someone else just before he met me. I didn’t let this bother me, as we were having such a great time, we spoke about becoming an item but didn’t make it official, so it came to 4 months of seeing eachother I went out with my friends and slept with someone else, who we both know. I ran away as I felt disgusted and couldn’t stop crying and realised I was actually falling in love. I didn’t tell him. 5 weeks after this we became publicly official. Almost four years on we live together are engaged and have a beautiful 15 month old, I’ve never swelled on this before until recently, don’t ask me why because I don’t know. I’ve never ever done anything since that incident and would never dream of doing it, but how can I tell him? Has anyone else had this sort of situation before ? Or felt guilt like this ? It’s completely ruining me.

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