Ok I don't even know where to start with this,,,,, bit of background info, I was brought up in the care system, violent and abusive childhood, my OH of 9 years has also had a horrendous childhood. We met through work, he was outgoing, and down to earth and we had our childhoods in common and felt like we could relates to each other. We both had good points and bad points, we are both selfish. We had a DS together and when he was 1 and a half we split up, we were going through a bad patch and both didn't want to fix it, we got on really well, remained friends and co parented ok. I went on a few dates but didn't click with anyone. We decided to get back together after a year and half apart, we promised we wouldn't make the same mistakes twice and both decided we wanted to be a family again, and got engaged. it worked ok for around 2 years and then we had another DS, he is now 1 and a half and we are at the same point t again!!! Arguing, both miserable, snapping at each other. We haven't had sex for months, there is no affection (which I'm not too fussed about as I'm not that touchy feely anway) but I can't remember the last time we snogged.
Another important thing to mention is we are total opposites, I love socialising, days out with the kids, having a BBQ with a glass of wine etc, he on the other hand is not, he loves staying at home, doesn't like to go out, doesn't drink and likes the odd bet on the horses, I think it's also important to mention his little habit, he like to smoke weed, it's after the kids have gone to bed and away from the house, but I'm still not a fan of this, it was a compromise when we got back together. Smoking weed makes him lazy and have no get up and go which is the total opposite of me and I'm starting to resent him now, which I think is the reason for the bickering.
We have been going through a bad patch lately as I feel like I do everything with the kids, the cooking, cleaning, doctor visits etc plus I work full time. It's come to a head this weeks as he decided that we wasn't going to come to a christening where I was a god parent, it ended up me going alone with the children and lying to y he couldn't come, it was left to others to help with me the pram up the stairs etc, I'm a sick of it, I looked around at the other couples and thought how together they looked and why can't we be like this.
I got him in a terrible mood and told him how unhappy I was and he told me he was the same, he is sick of my rules and always making him do stuff he doesn't want to do and he feels trapped and has no freedom, he says I have high expectations for him and he is no good for me, he feels like he drags me down and that I would be better without him, he thinks if we didn't have children we wouldnt be together and the only reason we are still together is because of the children.
I agree with this also, he is willing to stay together for the sake of the children but I am unsure if I can?
Sorry for the long post but I felt like I needed to get everything down, what would you guys do, hand hold please