Friend/Neighbour

[AKiki13]

Hi. I have a friend who is really starting to drain me, so much so I want to move house. I live with DH and my 2 children. We have been friends for around 5 years and I do value our friendship but it’s all got too much. I think she’s just bored as she does not work and doesn’t get a lot of attention from her husband but she does the following;
Rings me every morning while I’m trying to get ready for work and school runs when I’m really busy and it’s really no important stuff. She texts me regularly with omfg or omg or guess what like stuff is really urgent or bad and it always turns out to be nothing, as soon as I get home from work she’s either sometimes waiting outside my house for me or the phone will be ringing as I’m coming through the door, she wants me to go round after work and school runs every day for a cigarette and I have to have a reason lined up every day as to why I can’t, so then on the walk back from school runs she’s waiting outside for me because I said I’m not going round and I have to walk past her house so I can’t get away from it, if I don’t answer my phone when I’ve just got in the door, she’ll come round instead so ignoring calls doesn’t work. I like having a cup of tea once a week or something but I don’t want messages phone calls or visits every hour and everything is such a big drama all the time even though it’s not at all to anybody else. I get crazed during the day and evening and quite frankly I don’t know how much more I can take. What do I do? I’m seriously considering moving my whole family life just to get away from it all! She can see my house from hers and knows when I’m home and when I’m out, I had a day off sick today and didn’t tell her when she called me this morning because if not she’d have been crazing me all day so I parked my car round the corner a bit so she couldn’t see it and had to close the front blinds because if not she’d be ringing and knocking on the door. She’s very generous too in buying gifts for myself or my children which we don’t want all the time, I don’t want to be bought, plus after my day off sick today I picked my daughter up from school in the car so I didn’t have to walk past her waiting for me and instead she was outside and just walked over instead so was there as soon as I opened my car door. She’d bought my daughter sweets and said come back with me to see her children to give me some rest. My daughter had already said yes before I could speak so now she’ll have to come over again to bring her back. Am I just being really unsociable or do people also think this is too much? I have allowed it to go on for so long now so really it is my own fault and I don’t want things to be awkward but what do I do? Please help! Thank you.

You should post this in AIBU and you’ll get stacks more traffic.

But it sounds like an impossible position, one of which I think you need to be really assertive in to stop this woman basically becoming your stalker.

Thank you. I will do.

Yes, suggest you,get transferred to,Chat orAIBU

It’s very difficult - but the reality is you’re going t have to raise this with her before you explode

I wouldn't like this one bit, I'm very introverted and need alone time/time with just DS, or I feel invaded and get ratty. Ypur friend sounds very full on. Could you say the dc have said they want more time alone with just you, and you're sorry but you have to cut down how often you see her? If she calls to the door say as nicely as possible "sorry I'm busy, another time, have to rush off", or use an excuse like something in the oven is just about to burn, and shut the door again. Ignore her calls, start texting her back instead, tell her it's easier for you to chat via the odd text, than to have the phone glued to your ear while trying to do stuff. Ignore the omg!! drama crap.

I am trying my hardest to avoid a lot of texting at the moment and only replying where absolutely necessary. I will avoid her morning calls for a few days and just text and say I’m busy as it’s the morning rush so can’t speak. She has become way too much altho the problem is I have let her so I should’ve just nipped it in the bud much earlier before it got this bad. Trouble is I don’t want to hurt her feelings but at the moment I’m having to hide my car and close my blinds to avoid being seen in my own home. I really appreciate all your advice. I didn’t know where else to turn or what to do.

I had a friend like this. I stopped answering the door. I felt used a lot of the time. I decided if it was a genuine friendship, she would respect my privacy. Funnily enough, she stopped talking to me.

Oh blimey, You’ve had your fair share of it then. I don’t think she’d ever stop talking to me, she’s so needy and encroaches on my life because I think she’s bored and needs something more fulfilling in her own life. She creates dramas from virtually nothing and so I think she just craves attention all the time. I’m not the only person to think this, other friends think it too so I know it’s not me over thinking it. It didn’t used to be as bad as this, we’d have a cuppa on a Friday after my working week was finished and I’d see her in the week for a catch up but over time it’s just increased over time and now is too much. I want to remain her friend but do not want her to be in my pocket! But I don’t know how to say that in a nice way.

I think you have to be super brave and speak to her about this face to face. Do it 8n your house so she can leave when she wants. Be honest and say you feel suffocated and that you’re happy to do once a week, but no more. Tell her the constant calls have to stop.