Who is having problems with his boyfriend of 8 months. DS is 18, has Asperger's, is at college and lives at home.
DS recently found out that the boyfriend has BPD. Boyfriend smokes ALOT of weed and drinks quite a bit. I will call him 'S'.
For information S works and has his own flat and is quite a bit older than DS.
S has become aggressive and controlling recently. He is convinced the DS will cheat and has said if does he will kill DS and himself.
My DS has also said he's afraid that S will kill himself if he breaks up with him.
S sulks when other guys talk to DS as DS has a lot of friends in the town where his boyfriend lives. If they are out as a couple DS has to go home when he's told.
If S has a day off work my DS is expected to spend it with him. However, when DS is at his flat S spends hours playing video games. S dislikes my DS spending time with us and his siblings but refuses to come to our home to visit.
When S is angry he shouts in my DS's face and uses abusive language. He calls DS names which he cannot remember the next day. He ridicules him and constantly tells him that what DS is doing isn't the way it should be done. S is continually negative and argumentative. DS feels that he has to tread carefully in case he triggers another outburst.
Finally, DS is a FTM trans guy who has been transitioning since he was 14. S is bisexual and told DS at first that it didn't matter which gender he was. However, DS has his first adult gender clinic appointment coming up soon and S has now said he prefers DS as a girl (DS wears 'girls' clothes occasionally when he goes out in the evening). S has always known DS as trans.
S is trying to convince DS not to transition despite living as a boy, having a boys name, etc. This is affecting DS's self esteem.
DS knows S is being controlling and abusive but is struggling. When he tries to talk to S he deflects and manipulates the conversation to make it seem like it's DS being unreasonable.
What I would like to ask is, how can we support DS?