Suffocated by my parents

[babyarz]

Hi all,
I am 28, living with my partner and expecting our first baby in August. Currently we are looking for a bigger place before baby comes. We found a beautiful house about 30 mins away from my parents as right now we live round the corner. The problem is that when I mentioned we may be moving my parents became very negative and was not happy at all. They made me feel guilty by saying "I guess you don't want us to spend time with our grandchild". Of course I thought they would have concerns but I came home to my partner and felt so low and nearly burst out crying. Unfortunately they have been like this throughout the whole of my relationship (saying they don't like my partner), and when I told them I was pregnant (my mum was "very disappointed" and other family members asked "if I was keeping it"). I was so happy and again they made me feel so down and low.
I normally have a good relationship with my parents but this is really getting to me. I know they will say they are just trying to help if I speak to them so I don't really know what to do? They have helped me so much in the past but I feel like they are trying to control what I do rather than give me advice. Has anyone been in this situation before and have they done anything which has helped? Thank you!

I think next time they try and emotionally blackmail you (and that is what this is), stay calm, look them in the eye and just say , 'Don't be ridiculous. Of course I want to you spend time with your grandchild, but we need more room so we need to move."

30 mins away is hardly the other end of the country... totes over dramatic and needy from them.

Hmm, that's a difficult one.

You mention they don't like your partner. What are their objections? Do these objections boil down to them resisting their loss of control over you, or is it possible they have a point? If they might possibly have a genuine concern about your relationship then it may make their comments a little more understandable.

If they're worried about their loss of control over you then their comments about your house move are ridiculous. 30mins is nothing and in no way implies a lack of relationship with your parents. I agree with the previous poster - react to these comments as if it's a harmless joke and bar then away.

With regards to family members asking if you're going to keep the baby, I had this from my mother. I simply replied "well obviously, there's no way I'd tell you about it if I weren't!" That shut her up pronto because it made it clear that her opinion wasn't that important to me. It took the wind out her horrible sails.

Best of luck though - I found the pressure gradually increased as the pregnancy went on and then it all 'snapped' after baby arrived. It will be an important period to lay down boundaries now that you can cope with after birth.

Hi all,
Thanks for your messages.
My parents don't like my partner as when we met he was "nearly 30, doesn't own his own house or own car". No other real objections rather than materialistic ones. I have tried to tell them numerous times of all the lovely things he does for me (and the happiest I have been!) but they can't look past the money aspect of his life.
Thanks for the advice and it's them just being dramatic and not me neglecting them see the child....

In that case just ignore them, they're being ridiculous!

Maybe for the best baby doesn't see them all the time if they're going to be horrible about their father?

A breezy subject change works when my dm starts being a bit negative.

What snobs they should be happy ure moving if it's materialistic things and just tell them ure moving u don't need there approval it's not like ure moving city why stay in a place that's to small why would they want u to and why do they think u would consider there feelings and it's about time the relationship between your partner and them is sorted ure still together and have a child together seems like like the control and being respectful of u ure partner or even ure child when she notices they don't talk to her dad so say u get married ure dad not going to give u a speach cause he's never approved and that relative u should told her u are very rude and don't ever say that to me again that's my child ure talking about shocking

Thanks again for everyone's comments. I took your advice and went round last night to speak to them and instead of getting irritated which I normally do and raise my voice, I kept calm, asked them calmly what their concerns were, and trying to reassure them. This helped a lot and I felt good after our conversation and felt they were bit more on my side. Thanks for all your help and I hope this continues.

Sounds like you handled it really maturely, Baby.