Vow renewal headache!

[Orphanblackfan]

Hi peeps.

Any views appreciated.

A few months ago my friend said she wanted me as a bridesmaid. All good.

A month later her partner proposed and life was pretty good. She went to a couple of venues and fell in love with one. She came back and told me where it was and I excitedly told her that that was where I married nearly 9 years ago (before I knew her).

Now, this is where the problems began because she pretty much told me that I had made her pretty angry because I had married at this venue and she feels any input from me would be deemed as me interfering (which made me a bit sad as I was happy to help). So I said I would take a back seat and to ask me for any help as and when she wanted to but to this day haven’t really given anything away in terms of what to expect). She hasn’t booked any venue yet.

Since this time she has gone really weird on me. She doesn’t text unless she wants something, she calls me names in a ‘jokey’ way but I sense an undertone, and she gets pretty short with me over the silliest of things. I haven’t pulled her up on it as I know (past experience) that it will be brushed off and twisted in her defence.

So, the new problem I face. My hubby wants to renew our vows at said venue (as do I) and has booked it. He asked me a while back and it’s going to be a very low key thing with just our 16 yo daughter there along with a registrar - essentially- no guests. Now my friend is aware that we will renew and is also aware it’s just for us 3 to enjoy - I can assure you she isn’t bothered about it being a no guest affair and therefore no invite. However, when I suggested we ‘may’ renew at our wedding day venue she seemed pretty off and has been acting out on it since.

So the question is, do I tell her and see what happens? or do I keep quiet and tell no one? or do I walk away from this friendship with my head held high and wish her all the best?

Thanks peeps.

Vow renewals are tacky as they indicate that one of you cheated.

Very helpful post

OP I wouldn't tell her about your vow renewal if it is just going to be you going and no guests.

I would be re evaluating my friendship with this so called friend to be honest as she sounds like she's treating you like shit.

odd how she asked you to be bridesmaid before he proposed

i would definitely not tell her you are renewing your vows

why are you?

I don't see that there's any need to tell her about your vow renewal. Very odd of her to get upset about the fact you got married somewhere she likes several years ago though

It's none of your friend's business what you do or where you do it. She sounds bonkers!!
How dare you have got married somewhere that she wants to get married!!!
I'd distance yourself if I were you.

Would you be happier not being involved in her wedding?

Thank you guys!!

Renewal is because we said that our wedding was such a great day that we would renew it in special locations every 10 years (we agreed this just after our wedding). No affairs, just two best friends that decided on a bit of fun whether tacky or not, it will be lovely for us.

I do think an evaluation of friendship is called for you are right there! I guess I was just wondering if anyone had a similar experience and whether you found out why they reacted in such an odd way as I know by asking I won't get an answer. I'm just trying to understand her perspective but perhaps that's the real problem - perhaps there is nothing to understand and simply just let her get on with it and I get on with my plans.

Out of interest why wouldn't you tell her? I feel a sense of guilt for not being honest but equally worried I will make things worse for her. After all it's her big day vs my little day.

Thanks guys

Just to add - am I wrong in anyway here?

I'm totally confused as to why your friend should be angry that you got married at the same venue, nearly a decade ago, before you knew her.

You don't need this sort of drama in your life. My advice would be to distance yourself from this friend.

Your friend seems like hard work...is she actually worth it?

I'm thinking from what you guys have said in response to my dilemma clears me somewhat of any wrong doing. Thank you. I had started to question myself - hence asking you lovely lot.

I guess if she can't offer the same excitement and desire to chat about ideas etc then the friendship is probably worth letting go of.

It is tricky as I see her regularly (work), but just acting in a professional capacity from here on is probably for the best, and simply look forward to my event!

Thank you guys.

Ps, I cannot answer the question of why she is angry at me - I've no idea. It makes no sense to me at all, hence why I posted here to see if I was missing something. Apparently not phew!!

Thank you for your input

No you definitely are not in the wrong, yes in your position with work etc I wouldn't make a big drama just start distancing myself.

Good luck!

Thank you. Lots of thinking today and last night.

It's certainly the plan from here on. I feel I have wasted too much time playing the loser pawn in her game. The rules have been confirmed by you guys that I am to lose if I continue this game/friendship- listening to her woes and picking up the pieces time and time again for not even a thank you. So I'd rather quit than give her the satisfaction.

It's not the first time but this time is one time too many (I wish I had woke up earlier).

Reflecting back to childhood she is that kid in the playground that plays the nasty bully and reels you in and in until she's had enough and then kicks you out of the circle until she feels you've begged enough to be allowed back in.

Not this time!!