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Original poster

is my friend right?

12 replies

imamum21 · 26/05/2018 22:59

fist time posting sorry if i have posted in the wrong place and sorry if its long.
so when i was 13 i started talking to someone who works with the public, he was 22-23 years old at the time. me and my friend thought it was funny to wind him up etc as you do at that age, he gave us his phone number and we took the piss by prank calling him, stupidly forgot to withhold my number so anyway we got talking and i started seeing the guy only a few people knew, i honestly thought of him as a friend at first. he just wanted me for one thing which didnt happen until i was 15 there was everything in between that. to this day the guy still messages me even though he is married with kids. his poor wife doesnt know and he sends me dirty messages etc and sent me a nude pic (im now in my 30s) i also know this guy slept with his cousin when she was underage - didnt find out til his grans funeral they were related. i was talking to someone and it came up in conversation about this guy (basically a known peadophile spoke to his young child and gave the child a sweet) so as we were talking about his child so glad the child is safe and nothing happened to them. the person i was talking to said he is just as bad you were a child, i was like ok but i did like him, she said he groomed me? im just really posting for opinions?
thanks

OP posts:
NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 26/05/2018 23:10

Yes he groomed you.

He likely groomed and raped his cousin and committed incest.

He's not a paedophile as they are those who like prepubescents but I believe it would be hebephilia (111-14ish). Still very much illegal.

He's groomed you into adulthood too because you still put up with his behaviour. As he has done this to cousin in past I would say doing this to his child is a possibility and maybe his anger towards this paedophile was jealousy/possessiveness instead of real protective instincts.

That may sound shocking but it is true. I had a friend of a friend of my boyfriend be very sexual and threatening in the phone to me when I was14 and he was21/22.

I hope you can manage to find some closure on this and begin to examine your boundaries (I'm working on this myself).

Good luck 💐

Original poster
imamum21 · 26/05/2018 23:18

thanks for your reply, i did like him but i think it was because he was giving me attention, if you know what i mean, last year he messaged saying he was at the bottom of my street and wanted me to let him in to sleep with him, i told him no. i find it hard to say no to alot of people, i have thousands of messages talking about all they years ago when things happened etc but even though i was willing i wasnt sure if that was still grooming as such? i was a stupid teenager, never got in to trouble just got drunk every night get a few hours sleep and go to school drunk next day. all i keep thinking of if hes happy to message me to sleep with him how do i know hes not doing it to younger girls still i think thats why i posted as its bothering me. i have honestly never thought about it properly before

OP posts:
NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 26/05/2018 23:24

It's understandable - your life is your normal and until now you didn't discuss it so it didn't occur just how wrong it was.

But yes if you think about it why would he be attracted to you. Even if you were beautiful and funny couldn't he see you were too young and either to back off or wait until a few years later where you could decide for yourself.

No doubt he was very forward too letting you know exactly what he wanted.

A guy about 9 months before had assaulted me for the first time and was still text harassing me so I think I was pulled down with it and thought this was just men.

I began to like him (21/22 year old) and cried when he cut contact and I contacted him at 16 by our mutual friends request and from 16 to 21 we had a dysfunctional fab/relationship/friendship that now I realise has fucked me up nearly as much as guy I mentioned above who I forgave and dated at 16/17 and who was emotionally and sexually abusive.

Cut contact with the guy is my advice. He will bring nothing good to you and is a part of your past best surgically removed.

Original poster
imamum21 · 26/05/2018 23:33

i have blocked him now as only way he contacts me is through facebook, i have been in a relationship from weeks before my 16th birthday but was never pressured in to anything with him and still with him now, but when that guy contacts me all these feelings come back but confusing ones like i like him but hate him at the same time, his wife is a good looking lady so why he still messages me i dont know, he still writes mind dont say we have been talking, if we bump in to each other shopping etc its like hi how are you like we havent spoken in years. i have kept all messages apart from the nude pic as i dont really want that, sorry to hear what you have been through

OP posts:
PenelopeFlintstone · 26/05/2018 23:39

Tell him to fuck off or you'll ring the police. That should stop him.

Maelstrop · 27/05/2018 21:35

Legally, you can have a relationship with your first cousin. It’s not incest.

I’m surprised you haven’t just blocked this twat, OP.

Ginkypig · 31/05/2018 02:00

Remove yourself from this and frame differently. We can't see things clearly when it's about ourselves because we have a clouded view of ourselves.

How would you feel if this was your daughter/niece best friends daughter?

Would you be ok with finding out a man in his twenties was having sex with any of them at 15 and not only that but you knew that 15 years later he would still be sending unwanted sexual picture?

My bet is not ok with it at all!

Monty27 · 31/05/2018 02:09

He made you feel special so you liked him. You were under age. That's grooming.
And you are now an adult while he remains a risk to society.
I shall leave it there and I don't think I need to say what you should do as the advice on here will be resounding.
Be strong.

OnThisHill · 31/05/2018 02:23

Dear OP

Please call the police. If he has children he is a danger to them. And he is a danger to young girls in your area and online.

I'm truly sorry for what you went through, and for what it has left you with.

I speak from experience. Men like that do not stop, and generally get worse.

Also I would make an appointment with a sympathetic female GP to get the help you need to heal.

Be strong
Good luck Flowers

Want2bSupermum · 31/05/2018 02:36

Yes I think your friend is right. Grooming is nasty because it makes the victim think it was consensual when it wasn't because the victim was too young to consent. There is a good reason for having an age of consent for sex and I really hope there are no further pushes to reduce it ever again.

Want2bSupermum · 31/05/2018 02:37

Please get help now to work through this with a qualified therapist. I'd also inform the police. You won't be the first or last.

Nb65988 · 31/05/2018 07:18

What pubic job did he do hes a pedophile and groomed you and how did he get ure number to txt u block it and why did u go to his relatives funeral tell police he had children does he still work for the public how many people had he done this to

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