...help

[Tomorrowmaybe]

Hi. I am now at the very end of my tether and need some help before I make a mistake.

I have reached the very end of my tether and I can’t carry on like this any longer. My son, he’s nearly 6. I don’t know what to do anymore and one more night like tonight and I’m worried I just won’t come back.

I’ve asked for help with the school. I’ve asked for help at the local surestart. No one wants to help. Our lives are almost unbearable because of his awful horrific behaviour and I honestly wish I’d never made the decision to have a 2nd child. It’s ruining our lives.

I really love him, but I am now mostly hating him too. Please tell me how I get help. Please

What's the problem with your son ? Do you have any support at all ?

My husband is with us but he’s in tears with it every night too.

My son will not follow instructions. Bed time every single day is a disaster. My eldest is brilliant, normal kid (7) and does the usual at bedtime, but generally a good behaved child.

My son will not do as he’s told, he’s constantly in trouble at school, bedtimes are the worst. Tonight he’s smashed up my room and his room. He’s called us names, he’s threatened to punch me in 100 times. It’s the same every single night. I’ve tried punishment, I’ve tried ignoring the bed and rewarding the good, I’ve tried totally ignoring it. I’ve tried everything and I just don’t want to come home

I'm sorry to hear that but honestly don't know what to say to be of any help !
I have 5 kids and one drive me to despair but he's older now and much more pleasant.
hopefully someone else will be along soon with some advice for you.

You go to the GP and insist on getting a referral

Have you looked at PDA - does it seem to fit?

How old is he? Have you any inclination of why he's like this? How are things for him at school?

Have you been to see your GP? It could be linked to an underlying condition.

Is there any history of any similar behaviour in the family? Does he have any symptoms of autism (sensory issues, social difficulties etc)? Has he had any traumatic experiences in his life?

Unfortunately waiting lists for children's mental health services are long but there must be a charity out there that could offer advice and support.

School is hopeless. I feel there may be something underlying, but I don’t know what. I don’t think I can go to anyone else, I honestly don’t think I have it in me to go through the night tbh

Sorry that sounds so dramatic. I’m fine. It’ll be fine.

Go to the GP and tell them you would like an assessment for your child as his behaviour is very much different to his peers. You know it's not your parenting as you have other children but only he behaves in this way when parented exactly the same. Ask school for a letter confirming he is difficult at school and give it to the GP.

Read Ross Greene's The Explosive Child and his website Lives in the Balance.

Google PDA strategies and see if a change in "commands" can help him be more co-operative.

Google Executive Function, that may shed some light on why your son behaves as he does, basically it's not bad behaviour, it's because he doesn't understand what you want or he doesn't know what to do in what sequence to give you what you've asked him for.

Break down instructions like 'Get ready for bed' into each individual step, use a cartoon of each step if he'd like that so he can see himself progressing, and make sure there's lots of praise for the things he gets right.

Change some instructions from 'do that' to a choice, which do you want to do first, A or B?