Stuck between a rock and a hard place - WWYD?

[Unicorn34]

This is a bit of a rambling story, so will bullet point it to make it (hopefully) clearer....

1. Husband has MH issues and only has one real friend, lets call him Fred.
2. Fred was in the pub a couple of months ago, and was discussing with "Burt" how much a member of his family pays monthly for a local service. Burt part owns the business location and decides that he could make lots of money instead of the present business owner - and kicks them out last month (probably very illegally done but they went without question...)
3. Original business owner is a really good friend of mine, DH's best friend's wife is also a friend of mine
4. There is a lot of problematic moving/fostering of livestock and pets, but all accomplished before kick out date
5. DH's best friend and wife foster 2 of the pets
6. Pet gets out of a window and hasn't been seen for about 4 weeks
7. Owner/Friend has not been told about this

So here's the WWYD - I have been in touch with the wife and expressed that although "I agree that the owner does have enough on her plate right now, she needs to be told so that she can look for the pet". That was 2 weeks ago and friend still hasn't been told.

Pet is very hardy and will probably survive really well in the wild, but I still think the owner should be told.

If I get involved, it will most definitely jeopardise the relationship with DH and best friend (the only real friend he has). Which will almost certainly cause me my own problems within an already fragile relationship......

Help!!!!!! I feel terrible that my friend doesn't know, but feel I really can't get involved and it's on my mind constantly.

What sort of pet is it?

Items 1-4 on your list are irrelevant. All that matters is:

1. DH's best friend and wife foster 2 of the pets
2. Pet gets out of a window and hasn't been seen for about 4 weeks
3. Owner/Friend has not been told about this

Of course the pet's owner should be informed. You're in an awkward position, and it's odd that the pet's owner doesn't see them, but the stuff about businesses evictions is irrelevant.

Its a cat - used to living in a stables/yard environment.
The relevance (I thought) about the business thing is that it was Fred who caused the whole thing in the first place, talking in the pub. I think they took on the cats as they felt they had to, and are not standing up to the responsibility that one of them has gone missing.

Getting involved would cause so many problems for me at home, but I can't stop thinking that I need to do something

Could you look for the cat?

It's awful they've done nothing. They're denying the owner the opportunity to search for their pet.

Are you sure it escaped and hasnt been found and didn't die? Such odd behaviour otherwise.

I'd be desperate to do something to help, like put up posters but I suspect that would go down worse than telling them.

What there is no dilemma here! If I knew that and didn't tell the owner I wouldn't live with myself! The absolute right thing to do is tell the owner so just do it if they won't!
It's unforgivable that they haven't told

I do want to tell her but it will jeopardise my DHs relationship with his BF. Such a predicament. This is my worst fear as DH has health and MH problems, so would be left with no-one.

I wanted to go and look for the cat but where they live backs onto a golf course, so finding him is going to be impossible.

I was going to put posters up but then don't have a photo of said cat and can't ask the owner for one as she'll want to know why. Thinking of one that would be generalistic and placing them around the perimeter of the area he was lost from. There are some busy roads around so hoping he hasn't been knocked over trying to get back to where he came from (about 1.5 miles so possible).

The couple are now on holiday.... nice for them eh?

I still think you should tell the owner. Awful.

When I saw the owner last week I suggested that she physically checks on all the animals that she has fostered out (my daughter has 2 of the cats and has kept them safe and well for the last 6 weeks).

I don't really see her now due to the close down of the business, maybe I'll try to get her to do house visits when the couple are back - I can't tell her outright as the problems it would cause are extensive for me. Arrgghhhhhhhhh!!! I'm such a cat lover that this makes me feel physically sick

Would your husband's friend really be that mad about it? Surely he can see they're in the wrong?

We have had many pets over the years so understand your concern but a) it was an outside type of cat so used to this kind of free life and could have got knocked down at any time in its life so not fosterers fault if it has wandered (different if it was a house cat and it escaped) b) in my opinion owner is still responsible for keeping eye on them if people are helping by fostering c) human need trumps cat in this particular case I think as sad as it is.

Its not the friend, he's quite laid back - but he specifically said "don't tell " in front of my DH, so I've been told in no uncertain terms to NOT GET INVOLVED! This in itself would cause hassle, but the wife is more likely to cause problems.

I suppose I should just put up some posters and have a look - I could also put a post on FB and stop the friend from seeing it....

Royston if you have someone foster your cats you put your trust in that person to look after them and do the right thing. The right thing involves letting the owner know about any problems, escapes!
I don't think human need would ever prioritise letting the owner know her cat's escaped!

I've spoken to a mutual and trusted friend. Without naming me they are going to speak to our friend and strongly suggest that they do some home visits as they are overdue. There's no way that a list cat can be hidden.

I just think it's really sad that no one will own up to this woman

Purple, the mental health of the op's husband is of prime importance and these animals are being cared for only until owner can get sorted so very surprised they are not a regular visitor to the fosterers to maintain a bond.

Hope plan works op and you can put your mind at rest.

Thanks Royston x