Annoyed at husband's friend

[Bananamilkshake2]

Looking to see what you would do.

Last year, my husband and I moved back to my home town, a big sacrifice for him. He's made a few close friends here, one in particular who he works with and thinks a lot of. I'm also friendly with the friend's wife.

I'm currently pregnant, it's our first and we haven't announced yet as waiting for scan. Close family do know though. When I was six weeks, I had a bleed. My husband was working with his friend that day and told him what was going on to explain he had to leave to go to hospital with me. It was just the two of them on that specific job. I was OK with that, my work knew because I had had bad morning sickness.

The next time we saw the couple together, the wife talked openly about my pregnancy (was just us 2 couples). I was a bit miffed that he had told her but figured my husband probably would have done the same so I left it. I don't think I would have mentioned to her if I knew I shouldn't know but I didn't mind too much and in any case I wasn't drinking so she would have cottoned on as I love a good drink.

Yesterday, i was in my front garden with my dad who was cutting my grass for me. A woman who is a friend of the other couple, who they say they don't like and know that I don't like, walked past and stopped at my front gate and shouted "congratulations! It's lovely news you must be very excited!" I was polite but was fuming, she didn't know my dad knew, he was right there. Can you imagine if he hadn't have known? I said "thank you, no one knows yet as I haven't had scan but yes very excited".

I asked my husband to have a word with his mate. He said he is too annoyed, but he isn't going to push it too hard because it's not the worst thing in the world, my dad did know so no harm done.

I don't want to insist he pushes it because I know how much the friendship means to him. I also don't want to say something myself for the same reason, this friendship has really helped him settle here and I'm so grateful he's found someone he gets on so well with. I suspect it's the wife who's told the woman and the husband might not even be aware so I'm wondering if I should just keep my distance from her, but I want to tell my husband not to confide in his friend anymore. Is that fair?

When unsaid "he is too annoyed" I meant "he too is annoyed", not that he's too annoyed to have a conversation.

Well, when more than one person has some information it's never going to be a secret.
I understand that you are annoyed but in the scheme of things it's not the worse thing that can happen.

That's why I'm pissed off. Only one person should know and he would only know through work reasons.

op you are missing my point.
A secret between 3 people can only be kept if two are dead.
As a rule if thumb If you dont want any one to know anything don't tell anyone anything

Her husband has to tell his friend, but not as a friend sharing news. He told h as a colleague telling his work partner why he had to leave work. It was in a professional capacity, and the information should not have left their work environment. The colleague has blabber to the wife and now the wife is blabbing it around town.

Call her up and tell her "I bumped into so and so today, she mentioned my pregnancy. As you know, I havnt had my scan, I've already had a bleed and we're not telling anyone so I'm very uncomfortable being approached by people who you've told. Can you please not say anything to anyone else". Then leave it alone. Just say it, and move on.

I think ypur hormones are all over the place and you are feeling really sensitive.

In the big scheme of things people talk all the time. As soon as both sets of your colleagues knew, the story was out.

Try to not focus on that, I understand you are stressed and waiting for the scan. Please do try to focus on life's positives. I wish you the very best of luck with the scan. X

Small town is it?

Personally I would leave it be. Much as it’s annoying, if you truly believe it was your hubby’s friend’s wife that revealed your pregnancy (could have been someone from your work/family who let it slip - secrets only remain such if you tell no one) then treat it as a learning curve and if you are ever tempted to confide in her in the future, don’t - or make it crystal clear info is for her ears only. Hope your pregnancy goes well. 😊

Congrats and hope the pregnancy goes well. Don't sweat the small stuff. Really.

I’d say the friend told his wife and forgot to tell her not to say anything. This other woman said, “oh have you seen banana lately?” and the wife just made conversation.

6 months from now this won’t matter at all. Let your DH have his friendship and carry on with the wife as usual. Maybe don’t tell them any more huge secrets. Ultimately it’s your DH who blabbed. He could have just said “Bananas is unwell and I have to help her”.

When the friend's wife brought it up, did you say to her "we're keeping it quite so please keep it secret?"

Thanks for your replies :)

Yes, it's a very small town!

@Rocinante thank you - you've hit the nail on the head.

I definitely think my feelings about this woman in particular have affected my reaction - she's an arsehole. She's recently been telling parents at school that the other couple's daughter has ADHD, she doesn't. I don't even know why they still talk to her.

My work is 75 miles away and only key people know so it's not them, and only my parents and sister know from my family. No one else knows this woman so it's definitely the couple, probably the wife.

Both of them did know we were keeping it quiet - I told them both when the wife brought it up but the husband knew anyway.

I've calmed down about it today, also had my scan today and all is well so you're right, it doesn't really mean anything does it. I was mainly mad because I've actually had an argument with this woman in their house last year - they know I don't like her, and the fact that for all she knew my Dad didn't know.

However, my husband's friendship with this fella is important to him, and whilst I'm friendly with the wife she's not someone i would ever confide in anyway as I've got a lot of close friends.

Thank you all for responding :)