Starting over?

[D456]

I’m currently on maternity leave and previously worked in retail. I’m just looking for some opinions/advice on what you would do in my situation.

I’m a single mother to a 7 month old baby (the father is not present). I currently live in a flat which I hate, dislike the neighbours and the landlady. I was not happy with my job in retail, I feel like I am capable of pushing myself a lot more than what I was doing and generally found it awfully boring. I’m in my early 20’s and am really stuck on what to do next.

I know I’m not going back to the job I was at. So here are my options..

Either go to uni (I have been offered a place at Durham to study psychology). This would mean I would be moving 6 hours away from my home town. I currently have some family in my hometown although they are quite unsupportive and I pretty much feel like I am here alone. I do have a couple of friends here. My main concern is that as a single parent I will have to live in a private rented flat and may not be able to make many friends due to this. I don’t want to end up lonely and unhappy because of this.

My other option is to stay put and try to get another flat in this area (I’m not a massive fan if the area) and this will be difficult as I am on benefits which a lot of landlords don’t accept. I would also have to look for a another job which I don’t know how much success I will have finding a job much more challenging than retail that I enjoy.

My third option is to move to my mums which is a few hours away and find a job there (possible have the same problems with finding a dead end job). I will also have to make friends in the area as I will not know anyone.

I feel quite unhappy where I am and how things are at the moment. I have very recently gone through a break up (with my ex before I fell pregnant and we got back together) and I’m extremely bored of maternity leave so I know I need to do something just every option has it’s down falls. I want the best for my daughter and myself but I don’t want to be unhappy in whichever situation I choose. It doesn’t help I don’t have very supportive parents as I feel very alone and that I have to do something for myself so that I can feel secure.

What would you do if you was in my position?

Go to your mums x

Go to your mums and find a uni close to her

I have considered moving but I should have really mentioned I do not have a close relationship to my mum at all. I was bought up to be very independent and feel like every time I am at my mums I have to tread on eggshells or I will Ben thrown out (this has happened may times). I know as I have the baby she won’t just leave me homeless but I do get very stressed out being at hers as I dont feel secure relying on her. She has never been supportive to me and I have never felt like I have been able to open up to her when I have needed too.

Uni it is then! Good luck! x

Go to uni. Everything you write says this is what you want. But is scary. You will be fine! Go for it.

If it's going to improve your job prospects then go to uni! It's only temporary and the hard work will be really worth it, Durham is a good uni too. Then when you have graduated you can decide where you want to go from there. You could apply for jobs anywhere.

From what you’ve said it does sound like uni would be a really good option for you. You appear to be driven and anybody who raises a child as a single parent is more than capable already! Have you tried to contact the Durham student union / admissions team? As it’s quite a large university they may have support programmes for students in positions similar to yours. Depending on your offer and situation there may also be bursarys etc. that you could apply for? Also, I’m not sure whether you’ll be in the Durham campus or Sunderland campus, but if the latter, I think rent will be slightly cheaper there. I think you’re incredibly courageous for considering a move such as this, and whilst I appreciate that it’s very daunting at this stage, the opportunities that you will create for yourself and your DC will be worth it. All the best of luck!

I'd go to uni, in fact I'm going back post grad in September. My DS's slightly older (18m) but only because I didn't decide until after mat leave finished that I could't face a lifetime in a dead end job.

Student finance is surprisingly alright, on top of the normal you can apply for a dependent grant, and funding to cover childcare, plus in the north the money go's so much further (I'm from near Durham). Durham uni also used to have a really good bursary (3k per year)on top which if they still do you would qualify for as you'll be judged as a independent student

You might not be able to take part in boozie student night out, but with a baby that's going to be a problem wherever you are, just try to build in time to go for a coffee between lectures and your sure to get to know the people on your course.

Durham

Superb university

You’ll make friends and, if you don’t, don’t worry - just see it as a chapter of your life when you focus on baby and bettering your career options