I think my mother has early dementia.

[coalwife]

I'm worried sick. My mother has always been the type of woman who is easily offended and would have considered herself bullied when she was working even.though she wasn't. In fact people thought she was rather touchy!
Anyway. I'm very concerned she has dementia. She is 69 and lives with my father. She is getting paranoid, and seems withdrawn and depressed. She is also having difficulty with her memory, asking us the same question lots of times. Initially we thought her hearing was bad but now I'm not so sure. She is having difficulty with tv plot lines as in she can't distinguish what is real and what is a fictional plot. For exams she thought the lad in Corrie killed himself in real life!. She s having night terrors but can't remember what they are to tell anyone.

The problem is she would fall out with us all if we said we thought she was forgetful even. She never has been a women you could criticise, despite being one of the most critical people I k ow!.

My sister and I were thinking of going to see the go for advice, can any of you offer any advice on how we should get her help before my father divorces her.

Thanks in advance.

well the night terrors can be a factor in some types of dementia. I agree from what you have written that dementia is worth considering. Other things that can cause memory issues are UTIs, sleep problems, depression, high anxiety. Is her eyesight ok ? Hearing could be an issue if she is struggling to follow the thread of a conversation. What does your Dad think ?

Been through the this with mil, hers started like that too, also giving some grandchildren 2 birthday card and forgetting the others. My bil took her to the GP and spoke to them, and it was agreed to keep an eye on her. It then progressed to her going for walks day or night and ending up with a house full of stuff. As she was considered a danger to herself it was decided by us and her social worker to go into a home.
If she is off sound mind now you can get power of attorney where she signs and agrees that if she isn't able to other can conduct her affairs.
With the mil it was too late and DH and bil had to go for deputyship, it a lot to do but you can do it yourself, we did, and it costs a lot more.
If you want you can pm me, I'll try to help.

Contact your local Dementia Friends group, they will help

If she still has capacity to put an LPA in place, please treat that as a priority

So should we go get advice from GP about getting her assessed? Will he tell her?

Yes I think talking t the GP is a good idea, She/he won’t be able to talk about your Mum but might have some advice and will listen to your concerns. I would talk it over with your Dad.

Early signs with my Mum:

Gradual retreat from actually talking in conversations - masked this successfully for months (years?) by doing a tinkly appreciative laugh in all the right places

Inability to have a conversation on the phone. Would pass it to Dad.

Struggled to order her thoughts enough to write things including shopping lists

Confusion with tv plot lines

Adopting an injured air when she felt we were were wrongfully accusing her of something - things which we would never in a million years think she would be capable of doing (leaving her baby grandson alone in a supermarket for example) - all quite baffling until we joined the dots

Get advice from the GP - if she attends an appointment initially they will do a short memory test and check for physical/medical factors such as UTI's/infections/dehydration/depression etc. If there is no obvious medical reason(s) they will refer her to a memory clinic/consultant who will be able to give a proper diagnosis.

Take things one step at a time.

Mum had Alzheimer's and lots of what you say rings alarm bells for me. Her GP can do a quick test and will refer her on if they have any concerns. It's just getting her there if she is resistant there's not much you can do, they get very defensive and actually scared of what it may mean to get a diagnosis

I work with people with dementia and this is all very familiar.
Get an LPA whilst she still has capacity.