Hi everyone, I’m after honest options please because I’m in a situation that I really just can’t deal with anymore. I have a 4 year old daughter and my issue is with her partenal grandmother having access to her. Me and her dad split when she was 7 months. Looking back it was an abusive relationship (emotionally). He had quite a bad cocaine problem (around £1500-£2000 a month problem!!) but he generally wasn’t a very nice person and would manipulate everyone around him into getting what he wanted. In February 2017 he was jailed for 7 years for false imprisonment and robbery involving myself and my then 18month old daughter. His mother saw my daughter probably every 3-6 weeks before we split but only for a short amount of time. Then when I returned to work she saw her once a week for 4 hours when she babysat for me. This was for about 6 months until her son (my then ex) told her to stop due to an issue we had had with access (another long story but it involved social services and another abusive relationship he was in). Then once her son was arrested and charged for the offences against me she text and said she wouldn’t be seeing my daughter due to the case. A year later she asked to see her again (although the case had not yet gone to court) and again she saw her for about 2 hours every 4-6 weeks. Once her son had been sentenced she stated she wanted monthly contact with her which she had (again only for about 2 hours) until December last year when we fell out due to her not respecting my wishes about Christmas cards from her son to my daughter and on what information I had told my daughter relating to her dad (I was told to explain why he wasn’t around in an age appropriate way, and she did not agree and thought she should be lied to and told he was working away).
Since then there has been no contact. I text her to say I was no longer willing to be there when she saw my daughter (although didn’t say she couldn’t see her somewhere else). I initially thought I would be happy for her to see my daughter at a contact centre but as time has gone on I’m now wondering if contact is appropriate. She hasn’t been a big influence in my daughters life, and my daughter hasn’t asked to see her or even mentioned her, even when I gave her some presents from her for her birthday in April. She has seen pictures of her but never comments on them. I honestly feel there is an ulterior motive to contact as she has been so quick to end contact in the past and only wanted regular access once her son was found guilty. She has applied for a court order asking to have access and is not willing to had mediation regarding the issue. I honestly think my daughter would be better without her in her life as she still refuses to believe or acknowledge what her son did to myself or his daughter and has said to me this is all my fault for calling the police the night it happened and she wouldn’t have done that. I worry that she will say stuff to my daughter that is not true and at such a young age it could have a detrimental affect in her. What I’m asking (if anyone has bothered to read this far!!) is do you think I’m right in trying to stop her seeing her or should I agree to access as long as it’s supervised?
Thank you